diary of a living dead girl

terrible, no good, very bad day

Dear diary, today was a terrible, no good, very bad day. Alright that's fairly dramatic for my first entry. But it's true. Today was the worst. I mean it's to be expected when you're forced to attend a private university that everyday is going to have downs. Way downs of mandatory conformity. Including uniforms. I thought once I graduated I wouldn't have to wear this ugly suit anymore. But no Delia's university has an even uglier suit. A brown plaid skirt with a brown jacket and ugh brown shoes. I almost miss the grey highschool suit. But this bad day had nothing to do with the uniform.

No It had everything to do with Claire Brewster. Since you're new I'll explain. Once I finally got settled in and after my well, I'll be frank once upon a time I was engaged to a demon. I think he was a demon, can't really see him having been alive. It's a long story but basically I was head over heels for a hot second before I realized he was going to marry and kill me on our wedding night to get the ultimate freedom. So I stabbed him in the back, literally. After the trauma I started actually participating in school events. Made some friends and got on Claire's radar by accident. Kind of inevitable if I think about it. Me: goth and into the darker side of things, an activist for real world issues. Her: a bright bleached blond plastic, narcissist who thinks she deserves everything for nothing.

Well today the theater club set up a date for auditions in their play. Chicago, I usually don't care about these plays cause it's all Shakespeare or Disney and it's been done. But the chance to play in Chicago, any of the girls in the cell block tango. Especially if it's the girl who tells about stabbing her husband for chewing gum. Well I signed up and so did Claire. And guess what instead of playing leading lady she's going for Velma, just to piss me off. Though I'll admit she'd make a good Roxy, obsessed with herself, thinking she can't be convicted. Auditions are in a couple days so we'll see.

And of course she went off on her usual spill about how 'i'm not good enough' and 'who wants to see a talentless hack like you' blah, blah, blah. Whatever I'm use to her spill I just tune it out now like static. Though she did trip me and that was new, sorta. I tried to catch my balance but slipped on her dropped fork. Obviously she plotted that. So I fell face first into someone's tray while mine fell into the air. And dropped on me. So covered in food and barely noticing the domino effect while others fell on each other cause I pushed the guy in front of me when I fell. I got up and went to clean up in the bathroom. But her clones were there. All glaring at me and blocking the sink. So of course I couldn't clean up.

I did something stupid. Since I couldn't clean up in the girls bathroom I went into the boys. I didn't care about getting into trouble. Though the university doesn't have time to discipline students, to busy teaching. But it got around that I was in the boys room. After my classes for the day guess who slinked very unsuccessfully to my locker. Tommy Campbell.

Right you're new here, Tommy Campbell was,is,and always will be the 'dream' boy. He had fluffy blond curls, rosy cheeks, crystal blue eyes and pink lips. Every girl is in love with him and has been since highschool. But Claire's always been on his arm, marking her territory to the other lionesses. Even my two friends Bertha and prudence are head over heels. But I'm not impressed. He's to hmm I don't know normal? he just looks like uh. He just bothers me ok, everything about him is a plastics version of perfect. And I found I don't like blond or blue eyed. And that's perfectly ok that someone isn't your type.

Tommy smiled and I don't know something felt wrong about his perfectly white teeth and symmetrical everything. Not a fang out of place. He said he thought I was courageous for stepping in the boys room. But I had no choice. He flattered me then asked me out. I said no, I don't know him and he certainly doesn't know me. But it was like he'd never been told no before, which he probably never had. So he asked again and I said no then why was it so important and you know what he said. 'cause your hot' eck so of course I stomped off and he shouted 'see you friday'. So I super hate him now. No means No. Tomorrow I'm taking my switch blade to school. If nothing else then to just scare him, I would never actually stab him or anyone.....

Anyway, it wasn't a good day. Coming home my dad was on the floor having an episode. I don't know what happened, maybe it was one of Delia's sculptures again. But he was taking deep breaths and mumbling his calming mantra. I left him there as long as he was on the floor no one would bother him. I didn't even go looking for Delia, I just went right to the attic to do my homework. Business structure, it was the only way that monster of a woman would pay for my tuition, which she had no right to keep that money from me cause she didn't even put a penny into it. It was all the money my mom left for me and whatever my dad could put away.

This is an issue I already talked about in the previous diary, a very long argument lasting months about me taking a year off to work and save up my own money for college. But she was determined to send me to business classes. So Here I am majoring in business which I don't get most stuff. It's so boring it's like I'm not even reading my books sometimes. Just running my eyes over words. But I am taking photography on the side and I guess now I'm doing theater.

I had my own episode when Adam tried to explain things to me and his wife Barbra, thank goodness I'm not the only one that doesn't understand. She also has a hard time grasping the concepts. I lost it and actually yelled at Adam today. I felt so bad about it I never raise my voice, nor do I ever yell at anyone other than Delia. But he didn't take it to heart. He just smiled and told me I look tired. And that was that.

I am tired, so tired. I haven't been sleeping much and I guess that's why everything got to me today. I just lose track of time when I'm doing homework. Then before I know it it's 1 in the morning. That and lately I've been having night terrors. Normally I don't mind my dreams being of a darker nature, about corpses and murderers. Sometimes I'm even a detective trying to figure things out or dreams about mike myers. Oh gosh I've had such amazing dreams about him, one where he was in love with me but could only come to the human world during autumn so we were always worlds apart. And one where he went on rampages and he thought I was his mama and I had to strap him to bed before kissing him goodnight.

But these dreams aren't pleasant, They started out being about bugs. Cockroaches mostly then it morphed into this big bug that looked more like a spider alien with a mouth on the top of its body. I shiver at the thought. I even started dreaming about snakes, actually the last dream I had was about me being chased by this thing in some apartment building then all of a sudden the railing of the stairs was a snake. It laughed then seemed alarmed by the bug thing. I jolt awake every time, drenched in sweat. Sure the alien thing scares me but what scares me most is the snake.

It had stripes, his stripes and I swear it had his laugh. No I won't say his name I won't even spell it. I can't tell if it's a conjure of my memory of his taunting or if he was really in my dream. And If he's in my dream does that mean he's back and out for revenge on all of us. All I know is I'm becoming paranoid lately. I want to believe he's not around anymore but it's not like you can kill a dead guy. Maybe it is just my imagination, my mind using anything and everything to scare me cause I feel attacked and threatened in my day to day life.

Alright that's enough psycho analysis for me it is once again late and I should try and get some sleep. If I can.