diary of a living dead girl

girls, girls, girls

Dear diary, Ya that's a mess. Oh my bad I meant that whole ass adventure was a mess. It was emotional when it didn't need to be. Getting chased again. Bleeding wow shocker. And just Beej saying some odd things. I mean he always says odd things he's got kind of a forties accent but like sometimes he loses it other times it's thick and a little southern. But I mean his words, he said I could see through him when I can't. Starting to think Beej might be like me. Keeping everything hurtful to himself and not talking to his friends cause he doesn't wanna let people in. It makes sense, once upon a time he said everyone leaves him. And he did just lose a girlfriend abruptly. So yeah that's probably why he's been so moody lately. Why his purple moods seem to stay and why it's so hard for him to stay green. 

Also cause he's an emotionally unstable demon who likes to manipulate, torture, and just generally mess around with people. Though when given the choice he'll always just mess with someone rather then kill them. Less they push him. That's what I've come to realize. Dangerous yes, but not really, but also yes. 

On the note of messes. I need to explode and there's no where to do it but here. He fucking kissed me. Ahuhsshahodh yes I wrote that to prove a point. Its messy why for a million reasons. Augh that sounds so adolescent. It's a problem. Cause well It was Beej. ok maybe jot notes will help

problem: 

1. Because it wasn't my first kiss but it might as well have been

2. never bein kissed like that, or for that long, ran out of breath

3. My stupid alive heart beating in my ears and warming up my body

4. warm body chasing his cold dead touch cause im boiling and its his fault

5. Its Beetlejuice, 

fuck I tried erasing that but it didn't work. Stupid pen. That's my issue. I think about it and my face gets all warm and my heart beat picks up and why would he do that. Cause he's Beej and he smacked my ass as a joke, gripped my thigh cause he thought it be funny. Hits on me all the time. Teases me relentlessly. Its all fun and games to him. And is that an issue, did he hurt me when he did that. Am I that sensitive I can't just apricate that he gave me an inside look on what a kiss should feel like or am I just mad that he used me for his own gratification. I got something out of it is it so bad. I'm a mess and I wish I could knock it up to my period but I can't.

Yeah so apparently it was bleed Lydia dry day cause I got my period when I got home. Augh My stomach hurt so much I just stayed home. Hiding in the attic where no one but Adam and Barbara could bother me. Chased out of my room from sheer embarrassment. Also cause I didn't want anyone to see me on the first couple days. Its always the worst. Augh. I'm still thinking about it, I wonder if I could maybe talk to someone. Maybe Ginger. But I don't know if that's a good idea. But my head is screaming so maybe I should. She's understanding. I hope.

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Lydia wrote furiously in her diary. Writing so fast she was messing up words and smudging ink about as she tried to get her thoughts out. Her body burning up making her face turn pink. She dropped her pen, bringing her hands up to cover her face. Hoping they'd cool her down but they didn't. She tossed the pen and dug her head into her pillows. Her turmoil interrupted by her cell phone ringing. 

She grabbed it, looking at the caller id. "Auuuuuh" she groaned, sliding further down her head board. She answered the call trying her best not to sound tired. "Hey" she answered. "Hey uh haven't seen you at school lately, Um wondering how you're doing" a small voice came through her speaker. She arched her brow at the voice, staring out at her room with half lid eyes. It was more a mess then usual. Cloths and books tossed everywhere on the floor. Her sheet draped over her vanity. Covering the large book of deer skin sitting among her scattered makeup pieces.