Four am

chapter four

'In 1929, where did the economic depression first start?' Shit I don't know. I should have studied more for this test, but I need to get the lead part. Shit Zoe, think. I glance back at Cole to see him smiling at his test. He claims that he's so good at history.

He gets up and hands his test to Mr. Schaffer. Why did I have to get the hardest teacher for history, which also happens to be my worst subject. I have over 90's in every AP class and I'm barely passing history.

I look up and see Cole smirking and walking out of the class while winking at me. He probably got perfect on his test. Ugh I push through the test and bell rings. This cannot be happening, not right now.

"Everyone put your test at the front, I'll mark them tonight and give them back to everyone tomorrow." Mr. Schaffer says around 6 other students including me get up and put our tests down in a big pile.

I walk out of school to see Adri leaning against her car, waiting for me. "You want a drive to the studio." It's a five minute drive but I usually walk. "Yeah sure" I say walking towards her.

"We still need to wait for Leah, she ran back inside to get her pointe shoes."

"She's so forgetful." I laugh. "I call shotgun."

Leah comes running out of school after waiting about 5 minutes for her.

"Sorry." She says while trying to catch her breath and climbs into the car. The last thing I need right now is to be late for class.

-

"That is supposed to be an attitude allongée Zoe, not an arabesque lift your leg. You know better." Mrs. B says in a disappointing tone. I don't know where my head is, I'm thinking about my stupid history test which I probably bombed and is making me fail the class. I'm thinking about Cole when I shouldn't be, but he's been so hot and cold with me I don't know what to expect.

Am I catching feelings? I can't be.

I'm so stressed about getting the leading part in the Christmas ballet, that I can't sleep which is making me not focus in class which is definitely not helping.

"I think I'm going to pass out." Leah cries quietly enough that Mrs. Baryshnikov doesn't hear her. She's really been pushing us to our max these past few days to get ready for auditions, there will be a lot of scouts there. They usually like to look at juniors who are going to be seniors soon, they come twice a year. Once before the new year and once before the semester ends to get a good look at the juniors so they don't waste their time looking at seniors who won't make it in the real world of ballet.

"Good work today ladies" Mrs. B says. As I reach for my bag Mrs. B calls me over.

"Zoe can I talk to you."

"You guys go ahead." I say to Leah and Adri. They both smile at me and give me a worried look. 

"Miss Zoe I don't know where your head has been lately, you need to sort out whatever is going on and focus 100% on the auditions. Now you don't want Heather to get the part do you, or somebody from another class?"

"No, I'm sorry Mrs. Baryshnikov. I will be much more focused from now on." I say trying to be calm and not have a mini panic attack.

"Zoe, I know you have it in you- you need to push through. I'm very proud of you and what you have accomplished lately, but don't start slacking now. "

Wait did Mrs.Baryshnikov say she's proud of me? She barely tells anyone that or even compliments anyone. She says if you over appraise people they get too soft and don't work as hard. 

"Proud of me?" I ask

"Yes, now leave before I take it back" She says harshly in her Russian accent.

I smile and get out, Adri and Leah already left but I was going to walk either way. I go home and plop on my bed exhausted after the day I just had.

*    *    *

It's Wednesday today, which means no practice. I had an okay day, ate lunch with Cole and his friends. All I can say is that lunch was interesting, Callum and Adri were arguing about what day the week starts. Callum says Monday but Adri says Sunday, I sided with Adri and Cole was obviously agreeing with Callum. Leah and Nate left half way during lunch to hang out in the library.

I don't have a good feeling about Nate dating Leah, he's such a player and will end up hurting Leah. Which I don't want to see happen because Leah is so emotional over things like that and I can't see her heart broken.

I never really ever had a time for a relationship, with ballet being my life. My only boyfriend I had, I broke up with him freshman year saying it was too much to handle with everything. And Adri knows better to cry over a boy. Also boys are too smart not to break her heart. She's probably the baddest bitch at school or really ever she's so unbothered I love that about her.

This girl who I thought was Adri's friend once told her that she doesn't like her as a person. Adrijana's response to that was 'you don't like me? Bitch do you think I give a fuck, I don't like you either and since you don't like me for no reason. I'm going to give you one. So watch your back.' She said it with a smirk in the most laid back way but leaning closer to the girl scaring her. The fear was evident on her face. Adri then walked away like nothing had happened.

- 

It's finally time for history. I really don't want to see Mr. Schaffers face today. I already have the biggest headache and he is just going to make it worse. He was just rambling about the end of the fifteenth century, talking about who knows what. My head was in a different place. The bell rings finally, I can't wait to go home and watch netflix debating on watching Selling Sunset or Suits. As I start packing my books Mr. Schaffer says;

"Anyone who hasn't gotten their test back, please come see me."

I"m the last one to get my test back. I gasp looking at the 60% shit. Fuck. No. Whoops.

"Miss Angelos" Mr. Schaffer says standing up "I know this isn't like you to get  a mark like this. I spoke to your other teachers and all your grades are above 90, why is my class different?"

"I'm sorry I've been all over the place recently, I promise to get my grade back up. I'll even ask a classmate for extra help, and make sure to go over my notes more carefully next time." I said to him knowing that I just bullshited everything that came out of my mouth.

"Now given that you are a top student and you are showing that you want to improve your grade. I will let you take a re-test this Friday."

"Really thank you, I promise I won't let you down" I feel like i've been letting a lot of people down lately. I walked out the classroom and let out a big sigh.

Even though he let me take the re-test, I'm still thinking about a million things a minute I have to go home and study because this is the only time I will have on top of writing an essay for english, finishing a lab for chemistry and doing my math homework; solving exponential equations using logarithms? I'm trying to think about a solution to all my problems on the walk home. I walk inside and I see my mom leaning against the marble island in the kitchen in her blue scrubs.

"Hi," I say quietly, walking up leaning against the opposite counter.

"Hi Zoe." She says, she usually doesn't call be Zoe unless I've done something wrong. "Your teacher, Mr. shcmidt was it, emailed me about your mark on your test." That bastard.

"Mr. Schaffer and yeah he talked to me after classes letting me take the re-test on Friday, I was going up to study now."

"Okay Zo, but make sure you get that grade up or I'm not sure Mrs. B will let you do your audition. Then you wont get the part, the scouts wont be looking at you but the lead."

"I know."

Love you beautiful

J