The healing process~Kyman-Currently being updated

Different

Cartman changed.

I'm not sure if it was his meds, or just the after effects of attempted suicide, but he wasn't himself. He wasn't basking in the attention he received throughout the day, nor was he talking much at all. No matter the topic, Cartman didn't pitch in to any conversations, and when asked he just insisted he was 'high on medication' and moved on. I'm honestly a tad worried about him. I know that's weird to think, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, the lifeless look in his eyes when I see him reminds me that he's human. It's hard for me to wrap my head around something as complex as Eric Cartman feeling somewhat numb to everything and everyone, but it has been 7 years since I talked to the guy. Maybe, there's a small chance that he's changing.

And I'm not sure I'm entirely okay with that.

Because, as much as I hate his anti-semitism, it's a part of who he is. A part of our relationship. Without our fighting, I don't feel like we're ourselves. It's just not right. I tried provoking some sort of comment out of him at lunch, but nothing. Not even a smirk. Absolutely nothing. He's not the Eric Cartman that I once knew.

I was determined to get something from him today, by any means, and demanded to the office ladies that I have my schedule changed to match his. Since he just got back from the hospital, and the office ladies are huge pushovers, they allowed it and immediately combined our schedules. Since we're in the same math and reading level, we just take the same class, but he's now in some of my extracurriculars, and I'm in a lot of Academic support classes. (For any of you who don't know, Aced. Support is basically a free class to read, catch up on work or just dick around)

I was hoping Cartman would say something about having to hang out with a Jew all day, or the classes he's being forced to take, or something!

Anything.

Nothing.

He just nods and heads to his new class.

Seriously?

What the hell is going on with him?

After the final bell had rung, I walked over to Cartman's seat and waited for him to pack up his stuff and head out with me. Some may call this clingy, but I'm only doing it because I need something from him today. I can't stand the thought of Cartman not being who I've known him to be since preschool. No, since diapers.

He doesn't bat an eye, and moves aimlessly. I desperately try to talk to him, purposely saying things that would normally get him going, but he just nods and occasionally makes a grunt in disapproval. At first this was just weird, now it's concerning.

"So, what are your prescriptions?" I asked. At this point, I'm not even really interested, I just want to hear his voice. Why am I so desperate to listen to him all of a sudden? Perhaps, it's the years of not having anybody to talk to taking over. I mean, I've been gladly talking to nobody my age for years, so it's only reasonable that I'm suddenly really chatty and desperate for company, even if that company is Cartman.

"Um, I'm taking Lexapro. I'm told it's gonna make me happier or some shit. I don't feel happier."

I'm not gonna rip on him for opening up, or even bring it up. I'm glad he's talking to me, so I calmly ask more questions.

"Well, how does it make you feel?"

"I feel...tired. And anxious and weak. I feel like shoving my head in the oven and turning that shit on full blast. I feel like downing a bottle of alcohol with the medication. Worst of all, I feel calm. Like, I know something's wrong and I'm scared for the future, but this goddamn medicine is making me so drowsy I don't think I have the power to do anything about it. I'm not myself, and it's all my fault."