The healing process~Kyman-Currently being updated

SBF reunion

When I woke up the next morning, the bed was unusually light and cold. It took me a second to realise, but Cartman was gone. I panicked for a quick moment, then I heard muffled singing and cooking noises downstairs and relaxed again. I didn't prepare at all for a sleepover, so I have no clothes to wear to school today or any means of brushing my teeth, washing my face etc. I could probably stop by my house before the bus gets here and quickly change into something decent. I'd better hurry then.

I forced myself up, trudging down the steps sleepily. When I came down, Cartman was singing 'S&M' by Rihanna. I haven't heard him sing in years. It's not all off key and annoying like I remember. He's actually hitting some notes and sings smoothly. Though, S&M wouldn't be my first pick for songs. Especially at breakfast.

"'S&M' isn't an appropriate breakfast song." I said. Cartman turned to see me, and smiled.

"Good morning to you too Kahl. I'm making french toast."

I sat at the table and waited for him to cook his meal, hoping he'd try some. After what happened last night, I don't think I doubt him anymore.

He finished up and placed two plates down, one for me and the other for him. We each got one piece of bread with syrup,butter and blueberries on it. I took a fork and ate mine quickly, but I stealthily watched Cartman struggle a bit with his food. It was obvious he was trying to eat it all, taking bigger bites each time, but I think he forgot we're taking it one step at a time. Regardless, I let him continue. I'm not gonna stop him if he wants to finish it all.

"So, what was last night about?" I asked. I told him we'd talk about it tomorrow, and I'm not backing down on it. Now's the best time anyways. He paused and set his fork down.

"I was just angry I guess. Recently, my first instinct after I think I've lost something again or I messed up is to kill myself. I know it's not an acceptable thought in today's society, but I can't help how I feel."

"Well, you can try talking to people about it."

"Like who?"

Not gonna lie, that kind of hurt me, but I don't let it show.

"Like me."

"And what if you leave too?"

"I won't."

"But what if you do?"

"There's no 'what if'. I will never leave you."

He didn't respond, and went back to nibbling his food. I saw him suppress a gag, and he spat on his plate. Then he stopped eating and placed his plate in the sink.

"You're not gonna finish?" I asked. He shook his head. "I can't.".

I didn't want to feel bad for him, so I handed my plate over to him and went back upstairs to get my stuff. When I came back down, Cartman was hunched over the sink, dry-heaving. I can tell he'd probably been trying not to puke. I rubbed his back and whispered, "It's alright. I need to get to my house, but I'll see you at the bus stop. Okay?"

He nodded and spat up some more. I decided to take my leave and just pray he doesn't empty himself of everything before school starts. I didn't heard any retching, so I figure I was safe to head home. I really wish he'd just tell me what happened so we can get help together.

When I got home, nobody even acknowledged my existence. Mom was hanging up Ike's Aced tests on the fridge, and Ike was gloating about how he's the top of his grade. I'm both glad and angered by the fact that my family doesn't even notice me anymore, but I don't linger on this revelation and go up to my room to get ready. The whole process was a blur as I thought about Cartman again. It's already been established that I like him, but I don't have time to go on about it. There's bigger things going on than my nonexistent love life. Right now, I need to focus on finding new ways for Cartman to cope with his suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I could try getting him back into photography and such. Maybe I could buy him a camera and film with the money I have stored in my closet. That's be nice.