The healing process~Kyman-Currently being updated

Hope

I woke up in the hospital a day later. My whole body ached, and my left arm was broken. The doctor said I was lucky to be alive. I didn't feel lucky at all. I felt guilty. My mom continuously scolded me for going out so late at night, and my dad kept complaining about how much money they were spending on the hospital bill. I was too high on pain meds to hear any of it. My mind hurt, and I hadn't showered in weeks. Even after I came home, I never really recovered. Sure, I was fine physically, but mentally I was sick. Nobody knew where Cartman was. People said he skipped town.

Or died.

Or is hiding in the woods.

I miss him. Things aren't the same here without him. Everything feels so dull, and empty, and meaningless. Everything is back to the way it was without him. Well, all my negative feelings are back anyways. I feel tired and sick all the time.

Stan and I aren't on the best terms right now. Ever since Cartman left, he's been trying to make an effort to hang out with me, but can't he see I'm grieving? I think he's really desperate to try and get me to love him since Cartman's out of the picture, but that's not how it works. Maybe I'm being too hard on him though. I mean, he's doing all of this because he cares about me, right? I don't know if I'm ready to jump into anything without Cartman just yet. It's too early.

Kenny has been giving me the most support out of anyone. He and Cartman were really close back when we were kids, so it's believable that he is also upset with Cartman's disappearance. Butters is too. We all like to hang out at Cartman's house sometimes, to just think about him. I think a small part of us hopes we'll find something that'll lead us to him, but it's unlikely since he won't even answer my texts. Oh yeah, the second I got out of the hospital, I texted him nonstop. I never stopped texting him, even when I lost hope that he'd return.

My days were so empty that I stopped performing basic human hygiene. My whole body felt like a dumpster, and showering only made it worse. I was reminded of how filthy I was, everything about me. It felt like I was being bathed in waste. I almost puked with how nasty I felt. Mirrors were no help either. I knew it was bad when Stan came up to me and said I didn't look too good. If Stan, the guy who's apparently liked me since sixth grade, thinks I look bad then there's a big chance I actually do. I could care less how I look though. I just wish I didn't feel so disgusting.

I tried tracking Cartman every way I could think of, but he turned his phone off and doesn't have any other devices I'd be able to get a hold of. Of course Cartman is precise about this. I asked everyone in South Park if they saw him leave, but nobody knew anything. I searched his house from top to bottom for something.

Anything!

I can't give up. I won't give up! He's everything to me right now.

But why?

All he's ever done is hurt me. It's like he said, 'What's wrong with you?'. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Maybe I am a masochist or something, because no person in their right mind would be this distraught over someone like Cartman. Why am I so upset over him? He hurt me. I literally almost died because of him, so why am I still like this?

This isn't helping.

Denying the inevitable will get me nowhere. I just need to accept that I still love him even though he hurt me. Even though he's the most annoying, mysterious and despicable person I've ever met. Even though I might not ever see him again, I still love him.

When does this get easier?

Monday mornings are always the worst. Knowing a whole week of nothing is ahead of me is usually mind numbing , and I just go on a brainless zombie, but today was different. Somehow, everything was lighter. Not exactly better or happier, but it was different. Sort of new, in a way. I went to school with a open mind and taking note of everything around me. I'm not sure what it is, but something is different today, and I needed to find out why. The day went by normal, but I couldn't shake the feeling like something was gonna happen.

This went on for the whole week.

This strange unknowing feeling followed me all the way to Friday, haunting my every move. I just knew something was gonna happen, but nothing did and it drove me crazy.

Sunday rolled around quickly and I didn't leave my bed. There's nothing to do anyways, so I just scrolled on my phone for hours. Then, an unknown number sent a text. I knew this was what I was waiting for, and sat up, tapping on the text.

"STOP TEXTING. I'M NOT COMING BACK."

Cartman! It has to be.

"CARTMAN?! YOU'RE ALIVE?"

"YEAH. NOT FOR LONG."

"CARTMAN, HOLD ON. I'M COMING OKAY? JUST WAIT A LITTLE LONGER."

I know how to get to him now. If I can just track where this text came from, then I can get where he's at. It can't be that hard, right?

I ended up going to the police station for help. I also brought some money just in case I needed to bribe. Thankfully, they agreed easily and helped me track the text. It took all day, but for the first time in months, I was hopeful. I know it's bad to get my hopes up so early, but I was excited we might find him. I never left the station, even after they'd told me that the chances were low. I pitched in with the help the best I could, with a little help from the internet, and we were getting closer and closer.

Finally, at exactly 7:36 PM, we got a lead.

And I knew exactly where he was.

Hello Children!

One more chapter! Sorry these recent chapters have been pretty short. They're all building up to the final one. Although, I'm not sure if I want it to be the final one. I don't know how I'll be feeling later, but right now I'm still pretty interested in this story. Maybe I'll continue it. Not sure.

I've been getting more into the slow burn enemies to lovers type stories, thanks to one of my favorites 'A series of left turns', so maybe I'll give that a try instead. Sound good?

~Craigory