Feels Like Home | A Lizkook AU

21.

He hissed at his own rattling thoughts, wishing for it to stop as he grabs the handle a little too hard and starts speeding again - not thinking where the road will take him.

Why are you beating yourself up now? Isn't this what you want? You wanted her, so live with the consequences! 

Just get out from my head!! I don't need your screams and shouts -

Why? Am I wrong?! I told you it's a mistake from the very beginning! No one - I repeat NO ONE would understand! You're a monster -

No...no I'm not!!

Oh, yes you are! You're a murderer before and you're a murderer now - why pretend? You weren't pretending before when you threatened those boys. You won't mind if you pulled the trigger -

But I didn't!!

But you thought of it -

That's different! They were beating him up - I only wanted to protect him!

Come on!! You're no hero and you know it! Doesn't matter that you didn't kill any of them but you wanted to -

They were beating him...like he was beating her...

 No one will ever understand. You knew the story - you knew what happened, but you're still scared of what she'll think of you! Now, what does that say? You'll always live with it...all those blood...are still on your hands. You'll never wash it off no matter how hard you try! Did you see the way she looked at you just now? 

She...she was afraid. She looked at me with fear in her eyes...and I can't see it. Like eomma Kim...I can't - I don't wanna see it!!

Then leave! What the fuck are you still doing here - thinking that this life will change?! It will never change! Leave!!

A bright, beaming light appeared fast and close, and he heard the loud sound of a truck's blare before he shuts his eyes. The metals on his bike screeches and thuds...and his body hits the ground. 

...

Lisa knocks aggressively on the door again. Her knuckles are hurting, but her loud heartbeat decides to ignore it. Please...open the door...please let me in - I need to know you're okay!

The silent stillness brought tears to her eyes. Something is wrong. It's been wrong since Taehyung mentioned that he knew him from Daegu. It's even more wrong when Jungkook left her and her friends there...all speechless at the story and the sight. Her heart had been even more restless since she got to his house 15 minutes ago - hearing no signs of life behind it. 

Is he not at home? Where is he? I shouldn't have asked him to come! I shouldn't have encouraged Taehyung by answering him...I should've let Jungkook speaks for himself! Ugh - why, why do I have to force that on him?? It must've been hard for him - sitting there and reliving something he didn't want to...

It dawned on her that Jungkook - while still being the mysterious guy that he is - had opened a lot of his past to her. Those are the things he wished for her to see. There must be a reason why he kept things in the dark...is it because he thought she wouldn't like the way he is? 

But he's kind! He's this amazing guy who wanted to celebrate our one-week anniversary! He always showed up with a smile and never once complain about her incessant whining before or after class! He has a gentle soul - always afraid of hurting her or - or moving too fast or too slow. What is he afraid of?

Perhaps he thought her friends were judging him from that story? She can't lie - it did shock her to know that young, little Jungkook had carried a gun while finding his way alone...and that he pointed it at a group of boys bigger than him! But she's sure that his actions were justifiable...sensible.