Feels Like Home | A Lizkook AU

24.

Jungkook fiddles with the top of the whisky glass, following the outline with the tip of his index finger and sometimes tapping on it - as if it could calm his sorrowful heart. He could feel the anxiety and despair crawling over his body along with the warmth of the alcohol. It wasn't new to be feeling like this, but somehow it's by far the most uncomfortable. 

There's no safe place anymore. Everything in the space reminds him of her - the bed, the kitchen, the shower...they all had curses, ready to shoot at him. His own house felt unwelcoming and alien, so he sat in the darkness of his balcony. The view is unlike before - where it contains images and memories of Lisa. They've never eaten out here since he moved, and now they never will. 

He could hear his subconscious clearly - both laughing and pleading to him. A part of him is saying 'I told you so', while the other is asking him to reconsider. He didn't want to believe it, but what are there to even consider? It's just not in his control - nothing ever was, aside from picking up the gun in order to live. 

To get a passport, he needs to be a registered citizen. Jeon Jungkook had been non-existent for 8 years now. He's been living in those 8 years under multiple names, just long enough to rent a property and get through his job. He doesn't have a local bank account. The only ones that know of his real identity now are Lisa, her friends, and the untraceable bank in Austria. 

Of course, he could start anew...it was the most ideal plan but it'll take longer than a year, that's for sure! He could slowly resurface. Interpol might have a few questions, but he wouldn't mind lying his way around if it means he could keep Lisa in his life. That was the plan...but he couldn't let Lisa know of it. 

He knew he needed to have more solid identification and documents for buying the property in Jeju. Before the relationship, he thought he would do it the same way as how he'd done before. Forge a few to gain the trust. But since Lisa's in his life, he didn't want to risk it. What's going to happen if she keeps finding someone else's name on the official documents of the property?

So he made a new plan, which is to set up a bank account here and slowly transferring all his money in - as if he receives an actual salary every month. He had filled in the required documents to open one, now all it takes is showing up at the bank. But now...now it seems like none of it matters.

He can't stop her from leaving - no, it would be unfair for her if he asks. It's for her future, and she seems excited about it. Nervous, but excited. No wonder she went through the extra mile for the dinner...it was definitely a surprise! 

Canada...he wouldn't mind going anywhere in this world, as long as he gets to be with her. It would've been a beautiful life...just as it's been since they were together. But it sounds almost impossible - especially when his mind was a messy tangle, trying to figure out who his neighbor is! The sound of her pleading voice and sobs came back into mind and Jungkook finished the whole glass to drown it.

Didn't work - fuck - I'm such an asshole!! I made her cry...she tried so hard, and all I could do was making her cry! I don't deserve her, I never did! This is all my life's gonna be - no matter how I try to change, I can never run from it!

He resists the urge to throw his glass across the balcony, and his dried eyes welled up again. 

...

"There must be something else...not having a passport is a ridiculous excuse!" Jennie rolled her eyes. Of course, Lisa knew this.

"What could it be though?" Jisoo leans forward. "It's so weird - it's like he doesn't have anything to lose but he acts like it. His work is online. Fine, he's anti-social but it's not like you're going to Ibiza or something where every freaking day and night is a party - this is Canada! It's one of the quietest and peaceful countries in the world, I doubt that he won't fit in there! And it's not like he has anyone to look out for here -"