Holden Steele's Ruin [Completed]

Chapter 21

I'm exhausted and at the brink of my sanity. I had barely caught a wink of sleep for the past three days, paranoia keeping me wide awake. My heart had been exhilarating every time I caught a wisp of dark blonde hair, it was torture and I couldn't take it anymore.

I've also not heard anything form Holden since Saturday which only added to my bubbling frustration. I should be happy, he was one less person I had to worry about but I'm not I'm fucking miserable and I hate it.

Maybe he realised what a disaster I was and had already moved on, the snark side of me thought.

Groaning I roughly ripped the blank paper beneath my palm, scrunching it up before aiming for the small bin by my desk; watching as it fell among the cluster of other roughy strewn papers, widely missing the bin. I had been trying and failing drastically at writing an essay on chemical properties for the past two hours.

It was Wednesday night and I was seated in my bed drowning in heaps of books, Avery was out with Jeremy again, leaving me to wallow in my grief alone.

My pen had just met the blank page of my textbook when loud knocking met my ears. I was used to it by now; the way my heart fanned rapidly at the slightest noise and like an anticipated response it did just that.

I remained still, unmoving against the headboard of my bed. A second pair of knocks resonated, resulting in me physically flinching. Then the third, it was rather persistent but not demanding. I was probably being paranoid, it could just be Avery and here I was practically falling apart.

Gripping my phone tightly in my hand I forced my unwilling legs towards the door, breathing deeply. I grabbed onto the knob hesitantly turning it, when I opened the door I expected a lot of things and mesmerising grey eyes were not one of them.

My mouth hung open unattractively as I stared up at him, my heart beating rapidly for a completely different reason than fear. He was dressed in his usual dark jeans, a grey hoodie replacing his blank shirts. He looked tired though, like he hadn't slept in days but this did nothing to deter his godly like features.

"Um...Holden?" My hands itched to rub my eyes to make sure he was actually here.

"Could I come in?" He asked nervously scratching his left cheek where a days old stubble had dusted over. I didn't know how to feel about his sudden presence back into my life, it was like he turned all my feelings back on.

I don't know whether to be scared or happy.

He stepped over the threshold once I open the door further, his stiff shoulders slumping slightly. I could feel the heat of his body behind me as I shut the door, still not turning to face him. He moved closer to me, his hot breath fanning the side of my neck

"H- holden..." I couldn't formulate words. I was too hyper aware of his body behind mine, jolts of electricity shooting through my spine. He hummed, dipping his head further to lightly brush is lips on my exposed neck.

My teeth bit harshly on my lips trying to swallow the moan that was rising in my throat. I slowly turned to face him, placing my hand against his chest to try and create some distance between us. However much my body craved him, I had to be cautious.

I couldn't just let him think he could come and go as he pleased.

"What are we doing?" I whispered, It was hard but I didn't want him to think I was someone he could have fun with whenever he please "I- I haven't heard from you for three days...I don't want you to think I'm an easy girl you can have anytime you please" more than I already have. I didn't say the last part out loud though.

"I don't think your an easy girl" the tip of his long fingers met my chin, rising my head to center my eyes on his.

"But I do...Holden I know next to nothing about you and yet I- I..." My chin was now quivering between his thumb, cutting my words off.