Holden Steele's Ruin [Completed]

Chapter 30

HOLDEN'S POV

Groaned in frustration, I shoved a hand in my hair before ruffly tugging on it. I had been seating stiffly on the bleachers for a while, staring blankly at the field of grass. One girl shouldn't have this much control over me, but she was all I could think about. It certainly didn't help that ever time I closed me eyes, all I could see was her shy smile.

I thought back to the brown notebook buried in the depth of my closet, a pang stabbing at my heart. The argument played back in my head, Savannah's crestfallen face wedging the knife further. At the time, I hadn't been think about how the memories would affect her. I was only considering how I felt but the second I walked out the door, the regret kicked in.

When I had lashed out on her, it wasn't because I was angry. On the contrary, I was drowning in guilt. Because I knew everything, from her brother's death to that fucking psychopath. I wasn't proud of how I had acquired the information and had hoped that hearing it from her would lessen the deep fleshed guilt I felt.

The first time I had see Savannah was the night after my mother's funeral. I had stayed back, just seating in silence beside my mothers grave when I heard rustling. It was dark and I couldn't see her face but I could see the shaking of her shoulders, indicating that she was crying. I remember having an overbearing need to comfort her, I knew exactly how she felt and it drew me to her.

Days later I saw her again, this time it wasn't dark. I immediately thought she was incredibly beautiful but undoubtedly sad. I soon developed an unhealthy habit of watching her, she kept my mind off of a lot of things. I liked that. So, Savannah became my cemetery girl and I began to look forward to watching her seat under the large weeping willow, furiously writing on a brown notebook.

Yes, it was the same notebook I had buried under my clothes. I had found it under the tree she would always seat by, I knew it was a bad idea before I even picked it up. However, I was too curious about the intriguing girl that captivated my attention, I wanted to know what went on in her head.

I had sworn to only read the first page, just to give me a little insight but once I had started I couldn't stop. The nightmares of her tragic past unfolding with every page I turned, they were her darkest memories and I had rudely intruded them. Knowing what she had been through gave me a sudden urge to protect her, well that's what it started of as.

Slowly, what I felt for her developed past protection. Savannah would be the only thought that would keep me going through out the week and when I didn't get to see her, I would be in the worst mood. I had gone from thinking all women were the same to compering everyone to her, she had me and just like I said. She was my cemetery girl. I hadn't anticipated actually seeing her past the steel gates but I did and I was messing everything up.

Admiring her from a far was much easier, there were no issues. We could both just exist in our own space, but I had been given the opportunity to actually get to know her and I ruined it. It was probably for the best, at least this way I wouldn't hurt her when I leave.

The vibration of my phone against my pants drew me from my thoughts. I retrieved it frowning at Archer's name on my screen.

"Yeah?" I said as I answered the call.

"Where the hell are you?" Came Archer's distressed voice.

"Why?" I quipped.

"Look man, just come back to the house" Archer had always been an easy going person, so the frantic tone he was using rattled me.

"What's going on?" Something had to be terribly wrong.

"There's no good way to say this...its Savannah" at the sound of her name, my heart rate immediately spiked as fear crashed over me in waves.