Poetry

Mistakes

I see all my mistakes in the middle of the night
when I'd rather not think of anything
my mind goes straight to rewind and repeats all the little blurbs of mine that weren't meant to be said out loud
or the times that I should've said something and the silence burnt inside me.
Again and again and again.
The helplessness is drowning
it swallows me so that I can only scold myself with unrelenting phrases
pushing me to do more,
do better,
and don't do that ever again.
But once it happens I can not undo these cuts in my mind that take away pieces of my dignity.
After the dark lonely nights where I let them push me around it becomes morning
I stand up ready to face new challenges
and fears with the light of the sun behind me.
Learning again that this is what was meant to happen.
I needed to see that darkness to remind me of the light that is to come.
I now stand a bit taller brush of my shoulders and run into life learning and making mistakes.