Simp for me.

Dying Again

"We need to talk about it." It had been a few days since Emma's letter, Corpse and I had talked, but we haven't talked.

"About what, baby?" Emma's letter made me realize a lot, that I let corpse see me, but he doesn't know me. He knows me a lot, but the tough stuff? He doesn't know.

"Us." He nodded, his face serious as he looked at me. We agreed not to date until we met in person and went on dates and made sure we actually liked each other.

"I want you. I want to date you. I'm not asking to skip anything, I'm just saying. I want to date you." His cheeks soon filled with a blush, a nod quickly, I blushed myself, listening to him talk.

"I want to date you too. I want you. I just don't want to jump into anything until we experience each other in real life." I agreed, nervous that we would meet and actually hate each other in real life.

I watched his eyes, he was focused on me, steady. "Have you been talking to anyone else? Like talking?" An aggressive head shake filled the screen, his immediate denial and extravagant proving of it.

"I would never. I want you and only you. I've known for a while, I wouldn't do anything to lose that."

We agreed on a date the first night he's here, hoping to feel each other out before he comes here solely for me. If anything, we would continue being friends.

Being friends is gonna be hard, especially because my feelings for him are so deep. It will be hard to get rid of them. So hard.

"I can't wait to meet you." I smiled, agreeing with him wholly. I was ecstatic, I couldn't believe that I was actually about to meet him. I mean like, a month away, but still it was closer than no knowing.

Our conversation continued for a while, this one was more love-filled. More cutesy. We usually talk about stupid stuff, but today we talked about us, how we felt, how we expect meeting to go. It was nice.

"Syd! Stop making fucking sugar cookies!" I heard Sean shout, a sugar cookie in his hand. I looked at him confused, he knows I bake to cope.

"Make another kind! I can't keep only eating a million sugar cookies every single day!" He giggled, a happy giggle, one that made me hopeful for the future. We were all hiding how we felt, but Sean was the best with processing quickly.

"I'll make some snickerdoodles. Emma would've loved them." He agreed, reminding me that I can always have him help if I need to. He knew baking was my quiet time, but always promised to help me if I ever need it.

I spaced out completely, staring off into the distance. My mind was blank, I had no thoughts. (Head empty no thoughts)

"Come back, baby. Let's talk." I was only pulled out because I smelled the cookies, Corpse's comment was a second-thought, but I appreciated it anyway.

"About what, bub?" I knew what it was about, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to bake and not talk.

"Keeping it inside doesn't help. You have to feel it." I always thought that was such a stupid thing, that things don't heal unless you feel the pain.

"But that's so stupid! I felt it! I already dealt with her death! I felt her die already! So why am I feeling it all over again?!" I wasn't mad. I was-I was just upset because I have to go through this all over again.

"I don't want to do it again. I don't want to have to grieve her all over again, but I am. She died, I died with her, she comes back a year later, and is forcing me to die with her again." It was hard to explain, hard to understand. I couldn't even wrap my own head around it, I just knew I was upset.