Loving You Is A Losing Game ➶ jolex

four ⤦

~*~

"i'm afraid of what i am, my mind feels like a foreign land"

~*~

alex walked with robbins down the hallway, the blonde reciting her speech for the third time that day, looking to the resident for approval, her eyes silently asking him for any feedback he might have. she wasn't normally nervous about these kinds of things, but she felt that the fact that she was speaking to med students held a greater responsibility. these students were the future of medicine. they hadn't experienced the loss of a patient yet, or the crying sobs of parents when they had to be told that their child didn't make it.

the med students were... bright and shiny. they saw everybody in a higher place in their careers as practical gods. so, while she still had the chance, she wanted to root into all of these young minds that no matter what anyone said, peds was hardcore. it wasn't 'babysitting' like she had heard so many of the residents and interns call it.

peds was undoubtedly the hardest specialty. maybe not skill wise, but definitely emotionally. only the people with grit could survive peds. they worked on kids. maybe that meant that there was an everlasting sea of hope surrounding the patients, where they still were able to believe that the magic the doctors gave them could make them better.

but, it was known for a fact that losing a kid was worse than losing any grown adult.

a young life, taken from the word much too soon. it was cruel. so, so cruel. what had this young person done to have its life taken away? what about all the horrible people in the world who walked around free, living their lives? the rapists, the killers... why did they get to still be on the earth while a tiny human wasn't. it was messed up.

but that's why peds was tough.

because, while losing a kid was probably the worst feeling for a surgeon to go through, a success was so much more appreciated when it was one. the fact that they saved a person who had barely even got to live their life yet was the reason why arizona became a pediatric surgeon. because of what she was able to do, this person would get to grow up, fall in love, make bad choices, do things they knew for a fact they would regret later on. and that was truly all she could really ask for.

she was starting to see it in alex too, the peds glow. she didn't want to admit it out loud, for she knew that he would let the cocky part of him show and give her a well thought out retort. but lately, she'd been watching him, realizing that he was indeed serious about peds, that it wasn't just a lame middle school dare that he arranged with his fellow residents.

she saw the way his face would light up when a kid would say 'dr. alex!' so excitedly as he entered a room. she watched how he would spend time getting to know his patients, so that way they would have something to talk about later on if it was necessary. she was starting to see that maybe, just maybe, alex would make a fine peds surgeon.

"so..." she trails off, looking at the man expectantly, not missing the way he looked distracted as he kept his gaze on his feet.

he looks up, giving her a reassuring nod. "it's great robbins." he said sincerely, making her let out a relieved breath. she knew how honest karev could be, it was both a strength and a fault. he always told things as they were and didn't sugarcoat anything. if he thought something was crappy, he would literally tell you, "it's crappy," and that was something she appreciated.

she casts a worrying glance over him, his head hung low as the look in his eyes seemed to show that he was somewhere else. "you okay?" she asks.