speak now | grayson dolan

chapter thirty: sad beautiful tragic

mackenzie

"Thanks for meeting me." Connor says as I walk over to where he is sitting.

My eyes take in the white blanket set up on the sand. He looks right at me as I sit down next to him. Pushing a strand of hair behind my ear, I exhale a deep and nervous breath.

"You said you wanted to talk, and I couldn't agree more." My heart rate picks up as I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes. They're eyes I've grown to love over these past few months.

"There's a lot that I want to say." He nods while looking around the beach.

The sun setting in the distance is giving me a magical feeling. His voice sounded serious on the phone when he asked me to meet up, so it almost makes me laugh at how beautiful this set-up is.

"If you're planning on breaking up with me, this is a very romantic way of doing it." I break the ice by chuckling.

His facial expression drops as he looks back at me. "You think I'm going to break up with you?"

"You've been kind of distant, and I totally deserve it. I feel terrible about lying to you." That sentence couldn't be more true.

Everything that happened at the charity event has made me sick to my stomach. Connor is such a great guy, and I totally crushed him. Just like how Grayson crushed me.

I know they say that hurt people, hurt people. I just didn't want to fall into that category. I feel bad about everything that happened and want to prove how much I care about him.

"Now that I've processed it, I'm not mad, but slightly disappointed. I just want to know why you did. I thought we were always going to be honest with each other?" He exhales a breath while keeping his eyes pinned on my nervous face.

"Because I didn't want you to think something was going on between Grayson and I. Your trust is everything to me and I knew things would get complicated if you knew the truth. I should have said something sooner and I'm really sorry that I didn't."

"Do you think he's in love with you? I overheard you question it." I can tell it pains him to ask me that.

This is the question I've been thinking about for days. After not hearing from Grayson, I think I have a clear answer now.

"I've known Grayson for thirteen years. Although he's a great guy, sometimes I wonder if he's really capable of loving somebody. I don't think that he is yet."

"And there's nothing else between you two? Please be honest." He gulps.

"No, nothing." I shake my head and gently grab onto his hand. "He really hurt me and sometimes it's still a shock, but our fling ended in the summer. Honestly, our goals don't align so it would've never worked out. We're just best friends and always will be. Like I said the other day, I want to be with you."

Grayson's actions still drive a knife through my chest. However, it shouldn't. I've known since I was a kid that he isn't the greatest at commitment.

He hates the idea of marriage and being with one person for the rest of eternity. Why should I settle for that? That's not what I want out of life.

"The thought of losing you really scared me." His voice slightly shakes as he looks into my eyes. I can see how much this man truly loves and cares for me. It makes my heart skip a beat.

"You didn't lose me, Connor. You mean so much to me. Dating you has been a blessing." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a comforting hug. It's something that I needed right now.