The one he never claimed. (Complete)

13.

"So what about the many ladies sitting at home watching this, is there a lucky lady occupying your heart right now?"

The crowd cheers as he blushes before answering,

"Not at this moment, no." the crowd somehow manages to scream even louder than before at his response. I'm not really mad because the whole point of us hiding our relationship is so people think he's single. This is not the first time he's giving this kind of interview. It used to hurt until it didn't anymore.

So it doesn't surprise me, what surprises me instead is his response after being asked if there's a potential someone.

"There might be yeah."

That's certainly a new one.

I'm pretty sure he's not talking about me. Is he saying that so people don't hit on him or is it because there really is a potential someone? This is not an answer he's given before, he usually says that his work doesn't allow him to date. They'd all boo at that but wouldn't ask any further questions. It worked. So I can't help but overthink this.

In the past I wouldn't have even entertained the idea of there being someone else, that's how secure I was. That's how happy he made me. Yes I wasn't happy about the secrecy but I never would've thought him to cheat on me. But now that he's already done that I can't seem to slow my mind down.

Now I don't know anymore. I don't know him anymore. It's like every day that he's famous he's becoming a different person. A person who's the literal opposite of him. Is it the fame? Is it the money? Or is it simply that he's not into me anymore?

"Oh I see, and who might this lovely lady be?"

I'm beginning to think they pay the crowd to make unnecessary noises because wow. Literally anything he's said they've cheered. Maybe I'm just jealous.

That they're with him and I can't seem to have his attention for more than 5 minutes. I know he's busy though.

"I can't say now Lucy, but just know she's a very special lady."

I decide to switch off the TV, I've seen enough. I also hate that watching this has my mind going on a frenzy.

I haven't seen him since the little get-together with his friends, that was last week. He calls every now and then to check on me but we don't speak much. It's usually just chitchat until he says he needs to go somewhere or someone's coming. I'm not allowed to call him anymore because he doesn't want someone suspecting anything. So I just wait for him to call me, whenever he feels like it. It hasn't been that often anymore. And when he calls, of course I have to make myself available. No matter what I'm doing. Partly because he'll overreact unnecessarily when I don't but also because I never know when or if he'll ever call again so I choose to take any and every advantage of every phone call.

I want to say I'm slowly letting go, but I'm not. He's still the center of my universe, unfortunately. I want so bad to fall out of love with him, that way the blow will be easier when he inevitably breaks up with me.

I wonder how much longer he's going to keep me around, at the rate we're going in I don't think it'll be much longer. I can feel him slipping. With all the girls that are running around him, I'm surprised this hasn't happened already.

Maybe that's something that needs to happen. It'll break my heart into a million pieces and I'm sure I'll never be able to love again after that, but I guess the sooner it happens the sooner I get over it. It'll hurt until it doesn't anymore, that's weirdly become my mantra.

It really helps with moving on from pain, but I'll be lying if I said I'm not starting to become a slave to it. I've allowed too much pain to filter inside of me. So much so that I'm kind of starting to enjoy it a little. The physical pain.