The one he never claimed. (Complete)

21.

"Babe! Don't forget dad's Tupperware!" I shout from upstairs after deciding I don't wish to be murdered by my father.

"I heard you the first 20 times." My idiot boyfriend shouts back at me sarcastically making me roll my eyes.

"Thanks babe!" I shout again deciding not to entertain his attitude. Today is an important day and I can't have him ruining it for me.

I look at my reflection in the mirror a little longer than usual then take a long, deep breath. I've done this quite a few times but it never gets any easier. I do my final check-ups then take my purse to go downstairs so we can leave, dad is probably waiting impatiently.

"How are you feeling?" My boyfriend asks as we drive silently to my dad's house with the radio softly playing in the background. It's a thing we like to do, one might call it a minor bonding session.

I feel... anxious.

"Excited," I answer him honestly. I'm feeling a lot of things but excitement is definitely on the surface. It's the primary feeling.

It's weird because this is the first time I'm feeling this way on this day. I'm usually very sappy and sad. Obviously because I hadn't really dealt with it. I hadn't dealt with my mother's passing then. I'd suppressed all the hurt because it was a lot easier than facing the pain, facing my reality that the most important person in my life was no more.

So I'd distracted myself, I'd compartmentalized. As much as I could and for as long as I could. But on her birthday, when dad and I would visit her grave, it all came back. The pain, her absence. Seeing her grave made it real.

It went on like that for years.

But today? I feel great. I can't wait to see my mother. Because well, for the first time in a while - I'm ok. I'm doing better than I've ever done and I can't wait to tell her about it.

It's been two years, things couldn't possibly be more perfect for me. I'm a better me than I ever was, even before mom's passing. Ezra is a thought that barely crosses my mind, he's a distant memory that tries but doesn't succeed in bringing me back to that place of vulnerability.

It took me a while but I'm happy to say I'm over him and what he put me through. I went through the healing for as long as I needed until I felt fine, and well - I eventually allowed someone else into my life. Someone who's been near and dear to my heart for as long as I can remember.

Cody and I have been together for a few months now. This happened after he'd shockingly revealed his true feelings for me. He'd waited until I was completely fine to tell me and I'd appreciated it. He said that he'd liked me since back in daycare and that was beyond surprising to me. I'd never felt that he ever looked at me as anything more than his neighbor and friend so he'd had an incredibly funny way of showing it.

I had a thing for him once and I'm sure he knew about it but he never said anything. I couldn't help but think of what would've happened had he said something. If he had told me he liked me too then we probably would've dated and I wouldn't have ended up with Ezra, I wouldn't have gone through the things that I have. I wouldn't have tried to kill myself.

But even with the realization, I don't regret anything. I feel that I needed to go through all the things that I did, to land where I am today. With a clear head and heart.

Cody is three years older than me so he finished varsity before I did and he's now working and living on his own. I don't live with him but I'm never not at his place. Our relationship has been incredible so far.

"You look beautiful." I hear him say as we continue on our journey. He never misses a chance to tell me that, even when I'm a mess. But today I dressed up for my mom's birthday so I know he means it.