On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 40

"Did you tell Lil the big news?" Billy called over his shoulder to his mom as he picked up his sixth piece of bacon.

"It's your news to tell." Mary didn't bother to turn around to face us.

"I bought Mom a house," he proudly smiled.

"Even though I have one," she added as she plucked a cookie from the tin.

"Mom," he complained again.

"I know. It's safer, updated, and big enough to house half the city." Mary sounded rehearsed.

"If you don't want to move, I can just sell it or rent it to Tim." Billy tossed the end of his bacon on his plate in annoyance.

"You're right, Billy. There are just a lot of memories here." She rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"This place isn't going anywhere. I just don't want to worry about you when I'm away." He lifted a hand to lie on hers. It was tender; I felt like I was stealing for even witnessing the moment.

"You're a good boy," with her short stature; she barely had to lean down to kiss his cheek. "You should take Lil on a tour of the town," she nudged.

"Let us help with the dishes," I offered.

"Oh no, this one has broken enough dishes to be off dish duty permanently." She poked Billy's shoulder as she slid his plate away from him.

"The shower isn't the only place I try to juggle," he sheepishly explained.

We drove around Duluth while Billy narrated the landmarks. He could tell that something distracted me but continued to recount the places he had played or childhood stories as I burrowed deeper into his side. When the van stopped, I finally looked to see where we were.

"This was my elementary school." He kissed the top of my head. "It's no wooden playground with pavilions and castles, but there's a swing set." He kissed the top of my head again before he pushed open his door, letting the rush of the frosty November air into the van.

Billy took my hand as we walked to the swing set.

"I'm surprised there aren't any kids here," I murmured as we walked.

"Well, it's thirty-five degrees, not the best playground weather." He squeezed my hand as he spoke. "Did my mom say something to bother you?" His voice was quiet.

I looked up to find his eyes at his feet as he twisted on the swing. He looked silly, his size on the child's swing, but his demeanor fit.

"No, of course not. I love your mom."

"You're distracted." His eyes flickered to mine.

"I'm sorry."

"We do a lot of apologizing," he sighed. "Come on; we can head back." He held out a hand to me; the playground magic hadn't worked on us.

We didn't bother going inside when we arrived at his mom's. "I'm going to miss this place," Billy slumped to the top step of the porch.

"Me too; it already feels like home."

I sat back between his legs as his hands fell to my shoulders while we gazed out over the small yard. The grass looked gray from the thin layer of frost clinging to each blade.

"I hope this is a good change." His words were heavy and resonated in my chest.

"It's a good change; you should be proud." I couldn't raise a happy inflection. Neither of us was talking about moving Mary into her new house. "I'm proud of you, Billy."

"I know, Lil." His words were mournful as he kissed the crown of my head. "I can see us, sitting on the front porch of our home, watching the sunset."

I smiled, "I can see that too." I leaned heavier into him.

"But..." Billy saw it was coming, probably before I did.

"But it's quiet. In my mind, our life is quiet." The tears pooled.

"We're happy."

"I am, but..."

"I'm loud. I'm itchy." He pulled me closer to his chest. "It's my fault. I chose before I had all my cards."

"You made a life. You're making a life that so many people strive for every day."

I was the ridiculous one. I was the one that felt claustrophobic in the crowds, didn't want strangers to know about me, and hated the heat of the bright lights. If I was being truly honest, the images of Suzy in Madison still plagued me as I drifted to sleep. 

"And I fall for the girl that just wants a mechanic from Duluth."

"I'm sorry, Billy." The tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Don't be, just..." Billy struggled with the words. "Stay with me. I know this life isn't for you, but I couldn't imagine not having you in my life at all. When you call, I'll answer every time. Please answer when I call."

"Always," I murmured. It felt like a dirty word that so much of me hated.

"Always," he managed as well.

It happened slowly, falling in love with Billy Collins, but the ending occurred all at once. The world didn't stop spinning; life just continued unscathed. But we were different from that moment. Billy was off like a bullet; there was nothing to stop him. And I was quiet.