On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 14

Billy and I ate in heavy silence. The clink of silverware on the plates and the knock of mugs against the table filled the room. My mind teeter-tottered between fighting back the tears and wondering when the next bus left for Portland. Billy's magnetic pull now chafed my existence.

"Why did you come?" His voice came low as he held the door for me.

The warmth of the June morning grew uncomfortable when coupled with the visit's oppressive tension.

"Because you asked."

"I asked before; why come now?" He again slowed his pace to a stroll to match mine; it was as instinctual as breathing to him.

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?" He pressed.

"I don't know." My words came out in a hiss to mask the lie. The truth was more accessible to Billy. Hiding honesty required effort. "Why did you invite me?"

"I wanted you here."

"And now?" I pressed.

A bit of the tension lifted from him as a tight smile flashed before he stifled it. "The jury is still out." He held the door to the consignment shop for me.

Billy quickly approached the hat we passed earlier while I lingered towards the trinkets at the front of the store. My eyes remained on a pendant that felt familiar. I couldn't peel my eyes away. I'd still be standing there if Billy's fingers didn't glide behind the charm, breaking my trance.

"Interesting," he murmured close behind me.

"It's familiar. I can't place it." I still didn't look away, entranced by the bauble.

"Soda tab," he assessed and soothed my searching mind.

I leaned back into his chest in relief as it jumped with a laugh.

"How's the hat look?" He whispered.

I turned to face him. "It suits you. You should wear hats all the time."

"Noted." He held up a wooden box with metal tines sticking from it. "Have you ever seen one of these?"

"No." I let my fingers glide over the wood without taking the instrument from his hand. "What is it?"

"A kalimba."

He plucked a few of the tines with his fingers, sending a trill of notes through the store.

"Sounds like Mister Sandman," I smiled.

He nodded as he plucked a few notes before he solved the puzzle in his mind and effortlessly plucked through Mister Sandman.

"Impressive; how long have you been playing the Kaa..."

"Kalimba," he offered. "I don't play. I've read about them. It's a cool little instrument."

"Wait, you haven't played one before? You just stood here and plucked that out of the air?" My wonder sounded a bit more agitated than I had intended.

"It took me a moment to get it." Argument distorted voice.

"Not all thoughts are requests, and most minds cannot assess and master an instrument in a few moments."

"I wouldn't say I mastered it. I targeted my thoughts on the tune and matched the notes to the tines. It's simple." As he spoke, he let his eyes course around the store.

I sensed we hit on a sore subject. "You shouldn't do that."

"What?" Frustration bubbled in his voice.

"Downplay your talent. It's a gift; you shouldn't apologize for it." 

He shrugged and set the instrument down on a table nearby. 

"No, get it. I like how it sounds."

He gazed at me for a moment, warring with himself, before picking it up.

"That was a request." His tone missed the manner of a joke, but the intent was clear.

He bought the hat and the kalimba before we headed back to the street. He slung my bag across his shoulder and continued to slow his pace to mine.

"Why did you come, Lil?" His voice had calmed.

"You interest me, Billy." The words spilled out before I even thought about them. Sometimes the truth flows.

"What interests you in me?" His eyes met mine.

"You aren't like the other boys I've met. You're curious."

"I'm curious, or I'm the curiosity?"

"Yes," I teased. "I love that you're interested in many things, like the hat today." I reached up and tapped the brim.

"I like hats; they remind me of my father."

"Has he passed?"

"Yeah, a few years back." He didn't drop his eyes this time. He wasn't apologetic for his mournful tone.

"I'm sorry." I hated saying it.

When my Nana passed, everyone apologized to me as though they had a hand in her death. I never understood it. Saying I'm sorry didn't make me feel better, and did nothing for my Nana, but now I extended the same apology. It lingered in the air like an unwanted perfume as we continued our walk in silence. 

The thing with Billy and me, we could wander. With only minor shifts in our gait, we communicated directions and interests. In crowded areas, Billy would protectively grasp for my hand. I'm not even sure if he noticed he was doing it. But otherwise, we'd walk close enough so our hands would brush across each other from time to time. I counted on the quickening of his step to open doors for me and enjoyed his hand resting on my lower back as we walked through the thresholds for various trinket shops. In the rare cases where my hand beat his to the door, I'd get a frustrated glance because I didn't allow him to be a gentleman.

"Can we go back to the hotel? I'm getting tired." My lack of sleep from the night prior settled into my joints, and I wanted to be away from the hustle of the sweltering sidewalks.

"Yeah, of course."

We took a colorfully named train a few stops. Billy easily reached the handrail above our heads, and I let him steady me with a loose grip on my hip. As the motion of the subway ebbed and flowed, I allowed myself to sway deeper into him. This might be the closest he allowed me to get this weekend, so I intended on savoring it.

"This is our stop," Billy's voice was reluctant. I wanted to believe he enjoyed our proximity as well.

The sun blinded us when we hit the top of the stairwell. A sneeze immediately gripped me. I tried to close my eyes to prevent it, but there was no stopping the full-body sneeze that erupted from me.

"Bless you," Billy let out a laugh as he spoke.

"Thanks," I sheepishly said.

"Wow..." his words trailed off but let the toying smile linger on his lips.

"I have a robust sneeze." I used a closed voice to avoid idling on my embarrassment. 

Billy complied. 

"Do you think Tim will be up? I can't wait to meet him."

"Spoken like someone that's never met him." His tone was joking, but I barely heard the words as I got lost in the bob of his Adam's apple.