On the Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 19

We settled in at a nearby slice bar. I was happy to be alone with Billy, but part of me wished Tim had come, so Billy and I had an excuse to sit closer. We ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he sat back, drawing a long sip from his Coke. He let the straw linger in his mouth so he could chew on it.

"You're a straw chewer," I mumbled. I hadn't intended to speak out loud.

An apologetic smile flashed across his face.

"You haven't smoked much today," I correlated.

"You don't like it," he admitted.

"How long have you been smoking?"

He glanced down at his bare fingers as though picturing the smoke trailing from his hand. "Early teens, I guess." Silence lingered as his mind idled on the question. "Have you ever smoked?"

"No, just some drinking for me. I'm quite clean." I whispered, trying to avoid sounding pretentious. I didn't think less of anyone for smoking, especially Billy.

"You ever done drugs?" He casually asked.

"No, I'm too much of an introvert."

He looked at me, bewildered.

"You need a supplier and to speak with them frequently. I'd rather not depend on that type of relationship. You?"

"I'm not against relationships, but I haven't been one for drugs. I've heard I can be a bit of a control freak. Drugs counteract that. The thought sounds uncomfortable." Billy accented his thoughts by physically shifting, as though even the idea of being out of control surged discomfort through him.

His thoughts rolled through me for a moment as I considered how to respond. "I'm not against relationships; I just don't want to be dependent," I corrected. 

"Aren't relationships dependent by nature? The give and take of a relationship is the give and take of dependency and dependability," he countered. 

The suddenly intimate conversation was wrong for a pizza parlor.

"I don't find you controlling," I added as I continued to contemplate his thoughts on the foundation of a relationship.

"I see nothing to control in you." His words came with the heavy saturation of quip.

"You can smoke when I'm around. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Billy's most genuine smiles were small; they barely reached his dimples but made his eyes flicker like the last gleams of a dying star.

"You'd risk secondhand cancer for my comfort," Billy teased as he picked at his pizza crust.

"I'd be much more concerned about you getting cancer than me. My death affects me less."

He let out a small laugh. "Death is a pretty big impact."

"Death doesn't scare me; I'll be dead. The people I love dying, that's petrifying." It wasn't a major revelation to me, but Billy's eyes gleamed with interest again.

"And I'd affect you?" He raised an eyebrow at me in jest.

I let out a laugh. "Have I mentioned that hat suits you?"

"Wow, a zig and a zag." He let out a full, throaty laugh. "Come on; let's get out of here."

"Can we stop at the café on the corner?" I asked as he pulled me from the booth and to his side.

"Of course," he absently murmured.

"And if I get you tea, will you drink it?" I prodded.

"Of course," he repeated, but this time with more intent.

He didn't drop my hand as we walked. He kept his folded around mine until we reached the door of the café. His hand fell away to hold the door for me. As I crossed in front of him, his hand landed softly on my back. The slight gestures made him so irresistible.

"What's the plan for the show?" He spoke low as his face remained tipped to the menu while we waited in line. The question clearly burned in his mind, but he tried to minimize his fixation on it.

"Currently, run screaming away mid-way concert," I said evenly. "Do you think that will distract you?"

"No, I think that's a solid and very rational plan," he dryly retorted.

Billy let me order for him and dutifully accepted his herbal tea with extra lemon and extra honey.

"I plan on hanging in the back at the merch table," I added once outside.

"And if you can't breathe, I'd prefer you not wander the streets alone at night." He kept his eyes trained forward and voice level.

"The storage room was pleasant." I let out a giggle.

He approved of my answer by gently pulling my temple to his lips for a kiss. "The storage room was pleasant." His lips tickled my sensitive skin.

Once we arrived at the venue, we navigated to the back, where the band and others collected while waiting to hit the stage. People milled about, talking raucously and laughing. It felt like anyone of a small gathering of friends I had attended through high school and college. Billy and I settled on a couch in the back corner. The bodies mingling in front of us created a wall for our tiny private world.

I leaned close to him and murmured, "is this what it's like?"

He moved his lips close to my ear, so close that his hair tickled my cheek and neck. "No." His breathy words blew over my ear. "Usually, I'm sitting on the couch alone." He pulled away and surveyed the room as he smoothed his hair. I'd seen the twitch before.

"You're nervous," I whispered close to his shoulder.

He looked back at me before leaning closer than before. His hair tickled at first, but the motion of his lips lightly teasing my ear really sent a shiver down my spine. "I am, but it has nothing to do with my job." The curl to his voice felt like the preacher man.

I decided to forgo additional conversations until after the show. Instead, I pushed Billy to the back of the couch and tucked myself into his side. He obliged and even added a kiss to the crown of my head. In silence, we watched the dance of people conversing before us. It was as though we were watching a play. They clearly forgot us in our quiet presence until Billy's 6"4" frame rose. The room shifted in orbit of Billy as he stood from the couch. He reached a hand down to me and pulled me to his side.

"I'll look for you," he murmured before kissing my temple.

But I gripped his hand as he pulled away. He turned to look at me with a fear that I was having another panic attack. Instead, I pushed forward and met his lips. They curled at the tips from the surprise as his arms looped around my waist and pulled me tight to his body. Our hearts beat against each other as I let my hand grasp for his neck to ground myself. For a moment, I was lost. The room slipped away, and all I knew was Billy. His lips devoured mine as I tentatively teased him with my tongue. For a startling moment, his hand dug into my waist at the surprise before he let his tongue dance with mine as well, sending surges to my toes.

He pulled away, hesitantly severing our connection. "Hold my hat," he whispered as he plucked his hat from his head and plopped it on mine. This time, he didn't tempt me with a kiss on the temple. He just turned on his heel and headed out.