It Was Always You - Professor Remus J. Lupin x OC

PART V -- TEATIME

You stood silently in front of the DADA classroom. Taking a deep breath before knocking on the door reminded you of all the things happened in the past. You gulped at the realization that you were accepting Remus’ invitation for a cup of tea. For old time’s sake, you thought. But he said there was nothing and there would be nothing… 

“Ah, there you are. I thought you decided not to come.” Suddenly, Remus opened the classroom door, exposing you who was standing still like an idiot. He looked as startled as you were. 

“Oh, I—well, here I am. Sorry for the delay, Professor McGonagall needed a tad of help.” Stupid me, you thought 

“Come, I’ll heat up the teapot again.” He gestured his head towards the office as you entered the classroom. 

The classroom was dark, but the windows allowed the moonlight to beam through it. You walked behind him towards his office. His signature smell filled the office, a combination of dark chocolate, rainfall, and musk. Somehow, it brought you back to the memories of kissing him the first time. 

“Right, have a seat. Sorry for the mess, some Slytherin kids handed their papers in the last minute.” He tapped the teapot and almost immediately a steam came out of the kettle.  

“Thanks, Professor.” you took your cup and sipped the tea. Another skill Remus had was actually making delicious tea. 

“How are you, Lu?” he sat next you to on the couch. The warmth of the hearth filled the space between you. 

“Well, I’m doing great, finally adjusting to the Auror life. What about you, Sir?” 

“You do remember I hate being called by ‘Sir’, right?” he chuckled 

“I guess I was just being polite.” You smiled back, couldn’t help but staring at him. It was a long period of staring and smiling between you both, not knowing what to say but comfortable in staying silent. 

“Did you know you have the loveliest brown eyes?” Remus leaned back on the couch, smiled, and sipping his tea. You started to think Sirius might’ve taught him a couple of tricks. 

“Do I? Thanks, I guess.” Nervous, you help your teacuptighter 

“Lulu, I—I realized I haven’t properly apologized for what happened in the past…” he stuttered 

“Remus, I’ve told you, it wasn’t your fault.” 

“It wasn’t about the accident, it was about the way I treated you when you visited me.” 

“Oh…” your Oh was so soft you couldn’t even hear it 

“I realized I was impolite and rude towards you, I think I was afraid of the consequences of what I’ve done towards you.” Remus gently moved closer towards you 

“I remembered clearly how terrified I was when I visited you in the hospital wing. I couldn’t think properly and all I wanted to do was to get away from you as far as possible. I couldn’t bear the thought that I’ve hurt you, I’ve wounded you, I’ve—I’ve done terrible, Merlin, horrible things toward you.” 

“But Remus…” you tried to interrupt 

“I know, I know, you think it’s none of my fault. Still, it didn’t justify my actions. So… I truly apologized for being rude and hurting you.”  

He put his hand on top of yours, softly stroking it. You hate to admit that you got lost in his warm greenish brown eyes. That smile, you thought, as you smiled back. As he got closer, you could feel the warmth of his breath upon the bridge of your nose. He laid his forehead on yours and his soft beard slightly grazed your cheeks. You didn’t need to be Werewolves to hear the heartbeats.  

At this point, you didn’t know what you wanted. You wanted to give in, hold him close, kiss his terrifyingly beautiful lips, and let go of yourself. But on another side, you’re afraid he might push you away again. And your intuition was right, as he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead. Then, he released your hand, and moved away awkwardly. 

“I’m certainly sure that you will be a great partner for someone else out there. Thank you for being such a kind-hearted person to me, you never judged me the way others did. You often put your needs behind, just to help everyone else. You have a heart of gold, Lu. I sometime wonder why you’re sorted into Slytherin.” He walked towards his table and put down his teacup. 

As he was facing against you, you couldn’t really tell if he was joking or not. You couldn’t see the expression in his eyes. Was it pain? Was it an honest suggestion? Or was it even a mockery?  

“What was that, Remus?” you snapped and stood up 

“I’m sorry?” 

“What was all that ‘I’m certainly sure that you will be a great partner for someone else out there.’?” 

“I thought—I thought it was… quite self-explanatory.” 

“Remus, why are you being such a coward?” you decided to tell him nothing but the truth 

“Pardon?” he was startled 

“Yes, you heard me. You’re a coward. Do you want to know why? Because you knew, you knew exactly that I care about you, that I love you and I had hopes that we could be together. Screw it if you’re way older than me, if we’re two different kinds of people, if I could be with or deserve someone better. I know I want you and I know that you need me, but you’re just too afraid to admit it. Relationships could be scary, Rem, yes everyone knows it and that’s why it takes two people to work on it. But to me, you don’t want any hassle of it. Hell, you don’t have the courage to start it. So, this is where we part. Thank you for the tea. I bid you good night, Professor Lupin.” You looked at him with what you could describe as pure anger and left his office swiftly.  

This was never your intention, but Remus kind of put you in this situation. You’re tired of waiting, wondering, being haunted by every little thing that reminds you of him. You knew you had to let the steam out. You’re pacing towards the Hogwarts exit and went to the lake. 

By the lake, you practice a couple of attacking spells. Poor innocent trees became victims of venting your anger out. Since you were a little kid, you always had to figure things out by yourself, including how to process your anger. So, you didn’t really know how to lash out now, but all you could feel was a strong desire to yell anything into oblivion. Somehow, you decided to take a couple of deep breaths and cast your favorite incantation, 

“Expecto Patronum.” You moved your wand into a circle movement and whispered. 

You fell onto the ground, sat in surprise. You have never been more shocked in your entire life when you realized that your Patronus had changed. It had always been a Beagle, a small happy dog who symbolizes a free-spirited, inquisitive person and loyal to those they love. And now, it’s… 

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