Fresh Start (a Twilight fan-fiction)

CHAPTER 21:

I slump onto my bed, hating that I don't feel tired like I should. Sleep is no longer needed, I realize. I roll over and groan, hearing someone appear at my doorway. I glance up.
"Yes?" I take in Carlisle holding a plastic cup, lid and straw.
"Brought you something. Thought it would be easier to drink this way until we can wean you off of it and onto our diet." He says calmly and I look at him blankly.
"I'm not drinking it."
"Please, Eve."
"No." The now familiar burning in my throat increases and I stare at the drink. I try to smack it away but Carlisle must have been expecting some type of resistance, because he carefully puts it out of arms reach. I curl my knees to my chest and bury my face in my knees. I suddenly feel a wetness on my cheek. I feel at it with bewilderment. Tears. Carlisle looks at me in shock, before running a smooth finger over my cheek carefully.
"Amazing," he breathes. "I've never seen a vampire cry, let alone a newborn." He smiles at me gently. "Something tells me you aren't just any newborn."
"Something tells me I'm falling apart." I sigh and turn my head away from Carlisle. Nothing else matters. Jacob is gone and I no longer have a reason for living, as stupidly dramatic as it sounds.
I sit for hours, staring out the window. Once I've been doing that for three hours Carlisle comes back up. This time Esme is accompanies him.
"Eve, please drink. You'll feel better." Esme coos, brushing my hair out of my face, but I don't move.
"Eve." Carlisle's strong gaze softens when Esme looks at him. "Just drink." His voice is concerned. I sigh and take the cup in suddenly shaky hands. Putting my lips on the straw, I take a tentative sip. Warmth, energy, and power slides down my throat. I try not to moan with relief as the burning pressure on my throat decreases. Carlisle and Esme watch carefully as I finish the liquid in seconds, even opening the lid to get the last few drops out of the bottom with my tongue. I realize I had just indulged in that like an animal. Looking up at Carlisle and Esme, I give a shy smile. Carlisle takes the cup and leaves, giving me a proud look. Esme kisses my forehead and I lean against her as she pulls my silky hair into a loose French braid, just like my mom used to.
"Esme?"
"Mm?"
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to grow old and have kids and grandkids and actually live your dreams?" I blurt out. She smiles warmly at me and takes my hand lightly in both of hers.
"All I ever wanted was a family, a husband who loved me, and a house to look after. I am living my dream."
"But, I'm not ready to stop my normal progressing life. I want to live at least till I'm twenty five. I don't want to stay this young forever." I feel myself start to cry with frustration and Esme holds me like I'm a child.
"It'll be okay, Eve. You can still live your life." She whispers and kisses the top of my head. I snuggle against her, disappointed when I don't feel anything but cold.

"Just concentrate.." Emmett holds my arm tightly. I breathe in, my eyes closed. The sounds and smells of the forest surround my senses and suddenly I hear it. The quiet but steady crunching of leaves. A deer emerges, only seven feet from us. "Easy.." Emmett whispers and I tense, ready. When I see him nod, I rush forward with speed, pinning the deer down before drinking the animals blood. But before I can decide to let it go, the feeling of warmth spreads through my body. Not cold like I'm used to, warmth. I want more.
"Evey..?" Emmett whispers but I ignore him, growling like a savage and drinking until there's no more. Only then am I satisfied. The warmth keeps me feeling buzzed, and I ignore the thought that it will diminish in a few minutes time. As I stand up, opening my eyes, Emmett stares at me in shock. I start to ask him what's his problem, then look down at the deer. If you would call it that. There's shreds of fur and splashes of blood splattered everywhere. I look at Emmett slowly in horror, then down at myself. Blood covers the front of my hoodie, and as I wipe at my face, blood is what remains on my hands. Blood on my hands. I shake my head, tears pouring down my face.
"Oh my god." I whisper and crouch down, holding my knees to my chest and rocking back and worth. I soon feel Emmett's light touch.
"Eve.." He says, and I know for once in the whole time I've known him, my brother is at a loss for words.
"No it's okay." I wipe at my nose and crawl forward, feeling crazy thoughts run through my mind. "It'll be okay." I assure, talking more to myself then Emmett. I start to try and put the animal back together but Emmett pulls me up with a jerk.
"Eve, stop." He whispers and I glance at him. The look of fear in his eyes startles me. My jaw drops slightly and I let out a scared whimper. I knew I needed comfort, and he knew it to, but he made no move to come closer. Finally I step back slowly.
"I want to go home." I whisper, and Emmett nods. He gestures towards the house, and I walk, him following beside after a quick glance at the deer's remains. He doesn't look at me or speak to me the whole time and the feeling of guilt and pain is so immense, the warm feeling leaves my body. I feel like a savage. I feel like a monster. The lust for blood is painful if not satisfied, and the frenzy when I get it is uncontrollable. I trudge towards the house, my shame and guilt weighing me down like a hundred cinderblocks.