Writing Prompts I wrote for school

(11-9-20) Sometimes I Scream (SLAM Poetry)

A/N: I have tics (Yes like Tourette's Syndrome but I haven't been to the doctor so I don't want to say that's what it is. 

Sometimes I scream

"Pop" "Picture" "bubblegum"

Sometimes I slam my hands on the table

I jerk my head

I snap my fingers like my life will end if I don't

Sometimes a voice in my head tells me that I can't feel okay until I move or make a random sound. (POP!) I can't feel okay unless I feel the dull pain of pulling hair shoot through my scalp.

I was sold a lie as a kid.

The lie that tics are like sneezes. They're uncontrollable muscle spasms or moments where I lose control while the scream takes over your mouth and puts your tongue on pause.

I was sold the lie that tics develop when you're young and will never happen to me.

My hand and neck tingle and I fight the urge to jerk.

I was sold a lie, because you can control a tic if not just a little bit. I was sold a lie that because I can resist a tic for a little bit I must be faking them. I was sold a lie because when I'm focused on a task the tingle in my neck fades until I'm brought back to the irresistible urge to move.

Sometimes I scream because a voice in my head tells me that I can't feel okay if I don't. 

Sometimes I scream because when the weight of the world presses down on me and I start to feel like I'm losing control, my brain decides to take away the last bit of control I have.

Sometimes I scream and everyone around me thinks that I do it because I want attention.

I fight the urge to scream because after a while you begin to believe them.

Maybe I don't have tics. Maybe I just want attention.

But yet, I still scream.