Thebluhart

Chapter 28-ups and downs

When he asked me that I was shocked to be honest. Lord knows I wanted to say yes but I just couldn't find the words. This was about to be real embarrassing because everybody was watching us. You know that dramatic shit they do in the movies? Waiting on a yes? Yeah that!
"Chad I love you, I do but no. I can't marry you yet because we aren't ready. Just because we have a kid together doesn't mean marriage. We need to fix us as boyfriend and girlfriend first before we become husband and wife."
He just got off his knee, put the ring back in his pocket and sat back down. He didn't say anything and honestly I kind of felt bad. The second hand embarrassment in the room was crazy, you felt it and you saw it.

After that little scene, the waiter came back to the table and Chad asked for the check. I know we wasn't going nowhere after this because his ugly ass was hurt. I didn't care but at the same time I did because that was a hard pill to swallow but then again he hurt me too so I did the same just this time I was last minute and got him when he was sorry for hurting me.
After he paid and tipped we got up and went to the car. The car ride was silent, it was so quiet I could hear Alida sleeping and my baby didn't snore. I stared out the window like I do best and just wanted to disappear because I hated awkward silence.

When we got home, I went to put Alida in her crib because she was still asleep. When I came back downstairs to grab her car seat I saw Chad opening a bottle of vodka. I knew this stupid nigga was stressed out because he was not a drinker.

"I just wanna know why you said no" he said out of nowhere as I made my way back upstairs
"I told you Chad. We can't get married if you're abusing me, lying to me and cheating on me! I told you already I love you so much, but I've made myself look stupid in front of my friends and my mom because of you. I can no longer allow myself to be a bigger fool than what I am already. You've made a fool out of me and you don't realize that. You have way more shit to be stressed about than me saying no to your proposal. You might be hurt right now but what can I do? Nothing! Just like you did nothing when I was hurting."
"I don't blame you for saying no but it's just the fact that we can still get married regardless of our relationship difficulties. It's counseling for people like us and instead of playing around like kids let's just make shit legal between us...simple!"
"No! NOT SIMPLE! You'll never understand will you? I'm not saying every married couple is perfect but I refuse to enter my marriage with boyfriend and girlfriend problems. I wanna stress about minor shit like my daughter growing up and what color living room set I want not about my husband cheating on me and beating my ass. We not perfect and that's clear but marriage is not the answer."
"You right bruh, I rest my case"

He went upstairs and went into the room. I just sucked my teeth and went outside to sit by the pool. I needed to think and I didn't want to be in the same room as him. It was like it hurt him to say I was right and that was fucking pathetic and this dumbass nigga wanted to be married. He wasn't mature enough to be married and I wasn't either because I was still a teenager.

After clearing my head I decided to take a shower in Alida's bathroom and just went into Chad's room to grab my clothes. I slept on the couch that night even though it was suppose to be the other way around I didn't care. I didn't want to be near him right now.

A week later...
Last week was dramatic and awful. Chad and I didn't properly work out our differences of course. Just one day we decided to talk to each other. Toxic at it's finest right?
Aside from our out of pocket relationship, I started talking to my mom again. I told her about Chad but I didn't tell her how I met him yet. I wasn't stripping anymore but I still felt guilty for doing it. I was going to tell her tonight though. She invited Chad, Alida and I to have dinner with her. I was nervous because Chad is 7 years older than me. I didn't care though because that wasn't important. My mom wasn't like his dirty ass parents, they was just plain disrespectful. They didn't have to press me about my age like that. That was just uncalled for and they was acting like I was 12 or something.