What We Lost

Mansdale

Abe and I continue our study of the new hybrid. Soon enough Logan gets bored and wonders off somewhere and Dariela comes to get Abe, telling him they need to talk. I can only imagine it was something to do with Isaac. Even though Abe and Dariela told the team that Isaac was with his Aunt, I know that isn't true and he was taken by Raiden Global. I can't believe after almost twelve years that company is still allowed to exist and operate, while still being a giant throne on our side.

While Jackson is trying to help he is completely lost on when it comes to the anatomy of this new hybrid, but I suppose I am as well. After working for about twenty minutes in an awkward silence that makes the twenty minutes feel like three hours, Jackson finally breaks the silence, "you look good."

I look up to him a bit confused, "Jackson, we've been working together, again, for almost a week. I think you've missed the appropriate timing to tell me that."

"Uh," Jackson shifts around a bit nervously, "yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?"

"Just a bit."

"But it's true," he shrugs, "you still look...." I sigh and put the tools I'm using down, as Jackson takes a deep breath, "amazing."

"Thanks," I nod, "can we not do this now?"

"Do what?"

"This, this awkward conversation that we'll have when no one else is around, to keep us away from each other."

"Is there a keeping us away from each other?"

"There should be."

"And why is that?"

"Because we're separated, Jackson." I take a deep breath and look around the lab, "you've moved on and I... Have too."

"Have you? Abe told me you haven't been serious with anyone since we split up."

I sigh and look down to the table, "I'm gonna kill him."

"You know that Tessa was the only person I've been with since we broke up, right?"

"But how long were you with her?"

"Only a couple months."

"And you two were living together, so it seems a lot happened in those few months."

"Nah, it's just easier out there to share housing."

"Uh huh, I'm sure it is."

"The point I'm trying to make here is that I was never able to meet someone I've been able to love the way that I love you."

"Stop..." I shake my head and move away from the table.

Jackson follows me, lightly gripping both my arms and turning my toward him, "why? Why are you so against letting me love you?"

"Because I can't give you what you want." I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, "we can't have children, the first time we tried to get married we were stopped by the animal apocalypse. I'd say that's a pretty powerful sign. And then after we get married, you have to leave, because people are trying to kill you. And..."

"Hey, breath, we don't need you haven't another panic attack alright."

"That's another thing, what's with you carrying around the lavender oil?"

Jackson shrugs, "it was all I had left of you. I used it to remember the good times."

"The good times? Jackson those few months after the gas was dropped were some of the worst of my life."

"They were some of the best of mine," Jackson looks into my eyes and cups a cheek.

I lean into his hand for a moment, but pull away, "I just can't Jackson." I shake my head and walk away from him. I take a few steps before I hear him march up the stairs. I lean against the wall under the stairs, shaking my head. I love Jackson, but I can't hurt him again and I can't live every day of my life being reminded of what I lost and will never be able to have.

As Jackson walks up the stairs, I hear Jaime, "Jackson, look, we can't go on like this."

"Just stop," Jackson snaps back to her, understandably given the mood I've just put him in.

"I know I put a target on your back for the last five years, and you're angry and it's warranted. I can keep apologizing."

"This isn't all about me, Jamie. Abe sacrificed everything for me, to keep me safe. His marriage, his job, his son. He did everything in his power to keep Kat safe over the past ten years. He's been there for her when I couldn't be. You cost her our marriage and a lifetime of happiness that I could have given her. And I will never be able to repay them for that. So, I just hope that the best-seller list was worth it."

"Come with me. We need to take a little walk." Jamie walks down the stairs and see me, "you can come too, since I'm sure you just heard all of that."

Jackson looks over to me and looks as though he is completely broken. I sigh and walk with the two of them. Jamie leads us into the basement, "okay. What are we doing?" Jackson questions as we walk down the stairs.

I look to one of the cages that we had Kovacs in all those years ago and see a man inside. As I step closer I realize who it is, "Mansdale?"

"Oh, look." Mansdale chuckles, "the wife of Oz's cowardly son."

Jamie glares over to him, "talk again and I cut your eye out."

I smirk, "let me do it."

"This is what we've been protecting you from."

Jackson looks over to Jamie, "What are you talking about? We?"

"Why do the Shepherd hunters think you're in Asia?" I sigh and turn back to Jackson.

Jamie shakes her head, moving in front of the cage, "who scrubbed your photo from every server on the planet? The only thing keeping you on this side of a cage, or worse, is me. Kat helps do what she can, but she can't do everything that I can."

"That's very generous of you, but one of you is the reason they're chasing me in the first place. And you?" Jackson looks at me, "you've been working with her and you didn't tell me."

I shake my head, "to keep you safe."

Jamie steps toward Jackson and hands him a gun, "you have a choice to make. If I am the grand villain of your life, you can shoot me. You can shoot one of the men who tried to end the world. You can even shoot your ex wife who lied to you during your marriage and worked with the person you hate the most to keep you safe. Or... you can accept that what's past is past and move on with whatever future we all have left."

"Did you know that she had him as a prisoner?" Jackson looks at me, still confused.

"No, I didn't," I shake my head. Jackson doesn't say another word, he hands Jamie back the gun and walks back upstairs.