The Only Reason

Author's note

Hey so I'm gonna tell you guys that yes I cut. I'm trying to stop and it's actually working believe it or not.

So I've been cutting since school started and I started because the stress of school was too much and I thought a blade would help. It really didn't. It felt like it helped but all it did was cause pain for others. If you cut please don't. I know that when someone says "just don't cut" it's really hard to listen because the pain gets addicting!

I was cutting badly when my stepdad left us. He's back now! But yeah. So about a week ago I ended up cutting really deep the top of my wrist. If I did it somewhere else I would probably be dead.

So my internet friend Ryan. He was special. He kept me from killing myself, yes I have tried but I'm a baby so it didn't do any harm. He also kept me from cutting.

He lives in South Carolina and I live in Idaho and today he decided to tell me that the only reason he talked to me was because he wanted me to stop cutting. And his girlfriend said he's not allowed to say I love you to anyone but her. Now that's kinda shitty. So I was pissed that he couldn't say it to me because it's in a friendly manner but when he doesn't say it I don't feel loved. At all.

But anyways today he said that his job was done and he was gonna stop talking to me. I said oh so it's going to be a great birthday this year (Jan.27) knowing I'm not loved he just said yup.

Then he said he never wanted me to talk to him again and to have a nice life.

Luckily I have 2 of his friends kik and I am talking to one of them about it and she's gonna talk to him about it. The other one however he's cute and I have a crush on him and he calls me beautiful and yeah. But anyways that's what is kinda going on in my life rn and so I write this because I always have thoughts in my head and right now I'm extremely upset so I'm writing to calm
Me down.

But if any of y'all ever need to talk please please please kik me 5sosWarner

I love you all 💞💞💞