It Isn't Over.

Chapter Four

I knew what I had to do today. I had to talk to Jade. I couldn't be in the same state as her and not try to talk to her. I was tense just knowing she was a few blocks away. ​​When I rang her doorbell with the daisy in my shaking hands, I still didn't know what I was going to say. But before I had a chance to think of something clever and romantic, she opened the door in her pajamas. Her hair was thrown up into a messy bun and she looked like she had just gotten out of bed and all I wanted to do was throw her back in there and get under the covers with her.

I took a deep breath.​​​​​"Hey Jade" I said smiling when I saw her gaze go to the daisy. She loved daisies.

​​"Sam, what are you doing here?" she asked.​​​​​​​

"Um," I stuck my hand out and handed her the daisy. She looked at it unsure for a few seconds and then took it. "Can I come in?" ​​​​​​​​She twirled the stem of the daisy in her hand.

"Now is not really a good time" she said. Something that looked like pain and anger flashed across her face.

​​​​"What's wrong?" I asked taking a step closer to her but restraining from touching her. I wanted to though. "Are you okay?"​​​​​​​​​

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? Sure, I just had a conversation with my father who set my emotions on fire but really, I'm fine!" she shouted at me her words spilling out of her mouth really fast.​​​​​​​​​​​

Seeing her in a rage like that stirred something inside of me and before I knew what I was doing, I had my arms around her back and I pulled her against my chest. She was resistant at first and seemed like she was about to pull away but I traced one finger down her spine and she relaxed into my touch.

​​​​​​​​​"Sam?" she asked softly "What are you doing?" ​​​​​​​She wasn't pushing me away so I took that as a good sign. I hated seeing her so upset and the only way I could think of calming her was by giving her a hug. I knew how on edge her father put her and she was no doubt about to break now. Her dad had this power over her. I think it was because she used to love him so much, he was able to make her come apart in an instant. ​

​"I came over here to talk to you about us," I said "But we can talk about your dad too, if you want" I said gently. I had to tread carefully around her if I wanted to get her to trust me again. If I got her to sit down and talk to me about her dad, then she would open up just a little and I would sliver my way in through those thin cracks and fix her from the inside out.

​"I don't. I don't want to talk about my dad." She pushed away from my body but didn't go inside. "I don't want to talk about us either." ​​​​​​​

"Well, what do you want to do?" I asked.

​​​​​​​​ "I don't know, Sam" she threw her hands in the air. ​​​​​

I reached for her hand that was holding the daisy in it and cupped my hand around hers so we were both holding the daisy. "How about we get this flower in a vase with water?" ​​​​​​​​​​​​​

She seemed to calm for a second. Then she looked over her shoulder into the house. "I don't want to go back inside. My dad's in there." ​​​​​​​

"We can sit out here on the porch until he leaves?" I offered gesturing to the cement step.

She nodded and sat down. I sat down next to her making sure to leave just enough space so she wouldn't bolt. I had already sensed the differences in her since I came back. She was very vulnerable although she tried to hide it. She wanted to come across as strong and she didn't want to need anybody. I saw the hardness in her face but her softness was still resting in her eyes.

​​​​​​​​​​"What'd your dad say?" I asked. I wanted her to share just one little piece of herself with me again. It would've been so easy for her to sit next to me and just vent. We had been so used to doing that. She would tell me everything and I would hold her as she cried. I would comfort her and there's nothing I wouldn't give right now, to get those moments back when I held her in my arms and told her everything was going to be okay.​​​She stared at the grass and knocked her knee back and forth. It hit my knee a couple of times but I didn't think she even realized what she was doing. It was driving me crazy because every time her knee hit mine, a jolt of electricity went up my leg.

​​​"Don't want to talk about it" she said, "Especially not with you" ​​​​

"Ouch" I said. She turned her head and gave my face a good look for the first time since I'd been home. Her eyes locked with mine and I realized how much I missed the intensity of her gaze. ​​​​​​​​​​​

"I'm sorry" she said, "I'm just getting real tired of you and my dad both thinking that you can make things okay."

​​​​​​​​​​"Don't compare me to your dad." I couldn't stand the comparison. I had seen the ways he'd hurt her and I hated picturing myself doing that to her.

​​​​"Why not?" she sneered. "You both hurt me."

I was going to need some goddamn strong tools if I was going to breakthrough those chains that were surrounding her heart. ​​"I've watched you cry for hours over your dad, I've heard the names you've called him, he's your father and he hurt you so badly. I could never hurt you like that." ​​​

"Really? Maybe you should think about what you did to me when we broke up" she said with a mocking tone. ​​​​​​​​​​

"He's a jerk" I said, touching her arm. God, her skin was smooth. I relished each moment touching her, being close, and knowing in a second she would pull away. ​​​She yanked it away just like I anticipated,

"and you're not?"

​​​​"Jade, please" I said reaching for my arm again. She didn't pull it away this time. "I'm sorry" I said.​​ ​​​​​​​​​

One stray tear escaped her eyes and I was just about to reach up and wipe it for her when she swatted at it and refused to allow any more to fall. Not here. Not while I was watching. And that's what hurt the most; that she used to let them all fall for me, waiting for me to comfort her and trusting me to do so.

​"Why is it that the people who we love most are always the once to hurt us the most?" she asked, not quite meeting my eyes. I watched her face, loving every angle of it.

​​"Because we give them the power to."​​​​​​​​I watched her features soften as she took in what I had said.

She stood up abruptly, my arm falling off of hers. "You should go" she said. ​​​​​​

I hated the thought of leaving her again. "Will you come out for breakfast with me?" ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

She let out a short laugh. It wasn't filled with amusement thought but with agony.

​​"Your only other option is going back in there with your father" I reminded her. I didn't like that that was my way of getting her to come with me but I would do whatever it took to get her to listen to me and trust me once again. ​​​​​​​

"No. I'm gonna call Sophie. I think I could use a little girl time" she said.