It Isn't Over.

Chapter Nine

I opened the car door and lifted myself into the seat. Sam's jeep had always been too high for my short legs to reach. I clicked my seatbelt into place and waited for him to get in. He stood outside the driver side door for a second longer than necessary. Before getting in, he slammed his closed fist down onto the hood of the car. I heard him groan and then he opened the door and got in. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
My head was pounding and my heart was aching. I didn't mean any of the things I'd said to him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. The part about me not wanting him to come home was true though. Ever since he'd returned all I felt was an intense rush of feelings. All I felt was pain and longing. I felt everything that I pushed away when he left. ​​​​​I hated how I reacted when he kissed my stomach. I had relished in his touch; the feel of his mouth on me. I wanted him to go further and I was so hammered that I wouldn't have stopped him. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​And then I had to go run my drunken mouth and ask him if he missed me. I was glad I did though because if I didn't do it then, I never would. I hated that I told him I missed him too because I could never take that back. I could tell he knew it was true. I didn't want him to have that little piece of me.
I didn't want him to have any pieces of me; although he did have a lot of them. He had my virginity, he had my past and he would always have pieces of my heart. ​​
When he pulled my waist I just about lost it. In that moment I would've told him everything. I would've told him every single feeling I had felt since he left and since he returned. I didn't want him to ever let go because it felt so good to be in his arms again; it was us against the world, like it always should've been. ​​​​​​​​​I would've stood there on that sidewalk forever. But I know better than anyone how short forever could be. My dad promised my mom forever and that didn't last. Sam promised me forever and I promised it to him too. But I guess I was keeping my end of the deal because he still had my heart. He just didn't know it. He didn't know that every single word he said and every single action he did pulled on the string that he had attached to my heart. ​​​​

He pulled up in front of my house, pulled the keys out of the ignition and we listened to the sound of the car's engine stopping. ​​​​​​​​​

"Jade, I want to talk about it." ​​​​​​​​​

"Well, I don't" I looked him in the eye, letting him know I was serious. "I'm over you, Sam. It doesn't hurt anymore."
Jade, you are such a liar, I told myself. Of course it still hurt. Of course I still missed him. But if he kept on acting like we could fix us, then I was going to start believing it. And we'd try to fix it but it wouldn't work and then I'd get hurt all over again and that was the last thing I wanted. ​​​​​​​​​​

"You're lying" he said. "You miss me and you know I make you crazy and you can't just pretend you don't care." ​​​​​​​​​​

"You don't know how I feel."​​​​​​​​​​

"I know exactly how you feel" he whispered and leaned over the console until our mouths were like a half an inch apart. "You want to kiss me." ​​​​​​

His breath blew against my mouth and I could taste him. I did want to kiss him. He was making my breathing speed up. I licked my lips trying to get a little taste of his breath. "No, I don't." ​​​​​​​​​​​

"Really?" he moved closer so our lips were almost touching. "You don't miss this?"​​I shook my head but didn't dare breathe. ​​​​​​​​"And what would you do if I moved closer and let our lips touch?" he whispered so quietly, so slowly, so seductively. "Would you bolt?" he asked shifting his body closer to the edge of his seat. "Or would you kiss me back?" his voice was so deep. He was making it deep because he knew I couldn't resist when he made it that deep. He'd get me to do whatever he wanted when he talked like that.