fourteen: a home
TW: abuse, eating disorder, PTSD, stalking
EVER SINCE MAKAUWI KAMI FROM BATANGAS, EVERY NIGHT, I DREAM OF MY TRAUMA. It feels like bumalik ulit ako sa lugar na pinagsikapan kong umalis. Nakakatakot, but at least I know someone's with me.
I don't know what triggered my memories.
Again, I woke up in the middle of the night. Pinagpapawisan akong napabalikwas bago tumingin kay Levin na nasa tabi ko. Dahan dahan akong tumayo at nagtungo sa kusina para uminom ng tubig.
Napapitlag ako nang may humawak sa bewang ko habang kumukuha ako ng tubig kaya may natapon sa sahg.
"Putangina," Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered before he buried his face on my neck. I smiled before patting his head.
It went on for days, my nightmares, and late nights.
"Lagi ka atang naalimpungatan, is something bothering you?" Tanong ni Levin habang kumakain kami. I don't want to tell him that dad called again, masyado ko siyang inaabala.
"Wala, kapag kasi ano... Kapag nauuhaw ako, bumabangon talaga ako." He doesn't look convinced but he just nodded.
I can still hear dad's voice echoing inside my head, nakakatakot. I feel like any time, he'll come and get me back to that place.
"Snow, you're spacing out." He looks concerned. Ngumiti lang ako para hindi siya masyadong mag alala.
"Sorry, iniisip ko lang 'yung mga gagawin ko ngayon." Tinitigan niya ako bago tumango. Nang matapos kaming kumain ay lumabas na kami at sumakay sa sasakyan niya. Tulala ako hanggang sa pumasok na ako sa office ko.
Winaglit ko muna ang mga nasa isip ko at nag focus sa trabaho pero every time na may kakatok ay kinakabahan ako.
"Beh, ayos ka lang ba talaga? Nanginginig ka, nilalamig ka ba?" Tumingin ako sa kamay kong nanginginig bago tinago ito at ngumiti kay Megan.
"Hindi, ayos lang ako. Sige na, layas." Pagtataboy ko.
"Sige, beh. Sabay tayong kain mamaya ha." Tumango ako bago siya lumabas ng office ko. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagta-trabaho.
WE HAVE SO MUCH PAPERWORK RIGHT NOW. Hindi ako nakasabay kila Megan at Aira dahil nandito lang ako sa office ko. Levin would constantly go inside and bring me food, time to time.
Napansin niya ba?
I shrugged before going back to work. It'll be a busy month for us because of the new winery at Vigan.
"Hey," Napapitlag ako ng makita si Levin, may hawak nanaman siyang pagkain.
"You haven't touched the foods I gave." Napatingin ako sa mga paperbags na nasa gilid ng lamesa ko. I apologetically smiled at him.
"Sorry, I've been busy." He smiled before pulling the visitor's chair and sat next to me. Tinigil ko ang ginagawa ko at hinarap siya.
"Eat," I smiled before taking another folder and reading them.
"I will, later." Binuksan niya ang isang paperbag at nilapag sa harap ng laptop ko.
"Eat or I'll feed you." Binaba ko agad ang folder at kinain ang adobo.
"Holy shit, ang sarap. Sa'n mo nabili?" Gago, hindi ako nagbibiro. Masarap talaga.
"Luto ko." Kumunot ang noo ko.
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