Torment

Adore

As day turned into night myself, Curtis and the remaining fit and healthy tail section passengers settled for the night. We'd decided to sleep across our newly claimed water carriages with the hope of keeping up our guard whilst brainstorming a new plan for overthrowing Wilfred. Curtis was desperate to keep moving through the night, but Gilliam and I managed to persuade him to let us, himself, and the others rest. With Mason prisoner, it became inevitable that she would become a key part in our  plan. The carriages automatic lights dimmed indicating night. There was nothing more today could bring.

I laid still in the dark, using my coat as a blanket and my rucksack as a pillow. Gripping myself in a huddled, foetal like position I desperately tried to drift off to sleep. Before bed I had busied myself with medical duties, such as re-dressing wounds and caring for the vulnerable. As a result, I had been able to keep my mind off of Edgar and the carnage that had taken place. But now, in the pitch black, with nothing but the hum of the train heightening my senses, I was left alone with my thoughts. The image of Edgar's lifeless body continued to loop in my mind, and I couldn't help but silently cry. Curtis and Gilliam were laying somewhere nearby but nobody had made a sound since lights out, I had a feeling, they too were thinking of what had happened and what was to come.

"You're still determined to push ahead?" Gilliam suddenly asked. "Of course. We're not even halfway." Curtis replied gruffly. I stayed silent, focusing on my breathing as they continued to speak. "You already got further than anyone else." Gilliam reminded tiredly. "Further than McGregor, four years ago." Gilliam began to explain. I shuddered thinking back to those dark times. McGregor refused to let women fight so I had barely any idea of the true horrors that took place, but I did remember the bullet ladened corpses I tried to revive. "Ten cars, 20 cars, it doesn't matter unless you make it to the engine," Curtis explained bluntly. He was right, we would never succeed as long as Wilford owas in control. "They'll just regroup and attack us again. We've got to pull them up at the roots."

"But so many have been killed," Gilliam stated sadly. "We've lost so many." There was silence. "I know," Curtis replied quietly, clearly thinking of Edgar, another tear rolled down my cheek. "You see our men? They're exhausted. I told them to wash themselves so that Hazel and I could assess the damage." There was silence as Gilliam finished. I held my hand over my mouth as a sob threatened to escape, I couldn't keep my tough demeanour up any longer, the loss of my dear friend had changed me greatly. I heard some shuffling to my right and soon saw Curtis lift himself into a sitting position. His back was against the wall of the carriage and he pulled his knees up to his chest. The moonlight cascading in from a small sliver of window allowed me to clearly see his features. He was currently only wearing a patterned striped shirt and some slacks. Like me, he'd been using his coat as a blanket but due to the freezing room he'd still kept his boots on. Now in the light, I could see a small smear of blood smudged across his right temple. I could tell it wasn't from a wound of his own, but I shuddered at the thought nonetheless. His short, buzzed hair connected effortlessly to his thick bushy beard. It amazed me how he kept himself so groomed with a make shift razor that was often shared across the tail section.

Curtis scratched his head as I continued to admire him. "Let me go ahead." Curtis bargained once more with Gilliam. The old man sighed and grunted as he also lifted himself. "I've got Mason now; I can move a lot faster." I rolled my eyes, it was always 'I' with Curtis, did he not realise that we'd all follow his lead. "You stay here with the wounded, guard the prisoners. Hazel as well, she's all the medical help we have and I can't risk losing her, not now." Curtis continued as my eyes widened. How dare he say I stay behind; I can't believe he thought for one second, I'd hold back as he risked his life. "When we take the engine, I'll call for you to lead us." He finished.

A small laugh came from Gilliam. "Stop it, Curtis. Why are you doing that? You know very well that you're already our leader. You have to accept that now." As Gilliam spoke in a lowered tone I continued to listen intently, eager to hear Curtis's reply. "And as for your comment about Hazel, do you truly believe she'll go anywhere but your side? Your bond is unbreakable, don't let fear take that from you." Gilliam finished. A wave of sickness coursed through my body as Gilliam's words sunk in. Of course, he was right, but the sudden realisation of losing Curtis became too much for me to comprehend. The loss of Edgar was shock enough, but now, the thought of losing the one person I cared so deeply for truly hit home. I could feel my anxious thoughts taking control.

Feeling short of breath, I hastily rose to my feet. Instantly both Curtis's and Gilliam's eyes were on me, but I couldn't stay in that stuffy carriage any longer. I quickly, but carefully tiptoed my way between the sleeping bodies of my fellow passengers in the hopes of getting somewhere I'd feel less claustrophobic. I walked quietly between the water tanks before I found myself in the room we had been in earlier, where we interrogated Mason. It was now empty and thin windows let in little moonlight. I took deep shaky breaths as a stream of images flashed through my mind. I was plagued with my last memory of Edgar's bloodied body and the fear of Curtis also dying in my arms.

I was brought out of my silent hysteria by the cold. In my rushed panic I'd forgotten to grab my coat, my jeans were still slightly damp and my roll neck was doing little against the nights icy temperatures. My hair, the cleanest it had been in years, hung down over my shoulders in waves. My short bitten nails still had small traces of blood beneath them and I grimaced as I brought my hands to my mouth in a weak attempt to warm myself.

The sound of boots hitting the metal floor alerted me to someone's presence. I stood up straight and held my breath, still on edge after being alone with my thoughts. As the walking slowed, Curtis appeared from the shadows. I let out a breath of relief. "Hazel? Are you okay?" He asked in a worried tone. "I'm fine, just overthinking," I answered truthfully as he came towards me. My breath hitched as he stood before me. He was hiding it well but I could tell he was apprehensive. I held my hand up to him and cupped his jaw gently. His frame not only swamped mine but also towered above it. Without his coat on, Curtis's large muscles became more apparent and my sudden desire to kiss him became too much to bear.

I lunged at him, latching my lips to his as I gripped his shirt, my knuckles turning white. The feeling was just as amazing as the first time I kissed him, and as his hands found their way to my waist I knew he felt the same. As we pulled apart he spoke with concern. "What is it?" He asked, still looking at my lips impatiently. "The thought of losing you was too much Curtis, I need you. I will always be at your side regardless of the risks. I will follow your lead right until the end, you cannot make me stay here with Gilliam, my place is at your side and if I lose you, the person I love, there will be no point of living. I love you Curtis. I adore you." Tears flowed down my cheeks as I finally declared my love for him, replying to what he'd said to me before the axe battle. Curtis moved his hands to my face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs before kissing my forehead gently. "I have always loved you, Hazel, I cannot lose you, not now, not ever." Curtis breathed quietly. "As long as I'm by your side you'll never lose me," I whispered back pulling him towards me as I engulfed him in a hug. His arms smothered my tiny body as I burrowed into his chest. I had never felt safer than I did at this moment.