Torment

Shower

Grey and some of the other passengers walked forward, pulling the shower cord in disbelief. They all stood, fully dressed, under the stream of freshwater. As Curtis and I walked into the water room, a clean smell hit my nose, the stench of blood coming from my body not as noticeable as it was before. Lots of the men that had fought alongside us just stood there, their clothes also being washed as they drenched themselves. As Curtis and I came towards the end of the water carriage he nodded towards a single curtain covered cubicle. I was the only woman that had really been exposed to the fight, and as a result, I was caked in blood. Curtis clearly, but silently indicated that I should take advantage of the privacy. I nodded, looking to Yona as her dad washed the blood from her face.

As I reached the single cubicle, I pulled the curtain across and began to undress, throwing my clothes and the rucksack over the curtain rail. The train was still freezing, and after peeling the many layers of blood-soaked clothing from my thin body, goosebumps covered my skin almost instantly. As I pulled the shower cord, lukewarm water began to cascade across my aching body. My face was emotionless, and my brain, thoughtless. With the adrenaline now gone from my body, I began to relive everything I had just experienced. You'd think, my first proper shower in years would be a moment of celebration, but as I looked down my pale body and watched the blood of my friend and victims rinse off my skin and down the drain, I couldn't help but let my tears finally fall.

As I cried silently, I used my hands to comb through my hair, doing my best to wash out the knots and gore from the strands. Still crying I ran my hands over my skin, using my nails to scratch off the dried blood. I could tell the others had begun finishing up with their washes as shadows of my fellow passengers began to walk past my curtained cubicle. As chatter began to echo around the water carriage, I couldn't help it anymore. I grabbed ahold of my hanging, blood-soaked clothes and sunk to the floor of the shower. As the water poured down over my hair, running down my face and back, I curled into a ball, my back against the wall as I dropped the clothes stained with Edgar's blood.

I cried harder as I looked down at the miserable looking garments, sobbing as I watched the water lift the crimson dye from my clothes, running across my legs and down the drain. As I sobbed louder and more uncontrollably, I began to scrub at my skin vigorously. Even though it looked clean I felt like filth. By clawing at my skin in such a panicked state it was only a few seconds before marks started to show across my body. Continuing to cry, I rubbed my jeans and jumper together in a bid to remove Edgar's blood. All of a sudden, a heartbreaking sob coursed through my body as I dropped my clothes onto the shower floor.

I didn't care who heard me, I knew everyone was feeling like this, but I just couldn't hold it together anymore. I continued to sob, hugging myself, the stench of blood still strong around me. "Hazel?" A voice called. I didn't answer. "I'm coming in, ok?" I knew it was Curtis, but I just couldn't answer, even if I wanted too, I doubt I'd be able to form a sentence. I didn't look up as I heard the curtain rustle. I was ashamed for him to see me like this, not naked, but weak and vulnerable, I was everything he wasn't. I continued to let the tears roll down my cheeks as I sensed Curtis lean over me and release the shower cord. The water stopped, and instantly my skin was covered in goosebumps again, the cold air enclosing in around us. Curtis leant down beside me, picking up the sopping clothes and wringing them out. I glanced over, watching as the red water trickled away. I still hadn't looked at Curtis but by the sounds of things he had hung my wet clothes back over the curtain rail.

Still, in silence, Curtis took a seat beside me, not caring that his trousers and coat were becoming wet. I finally looked up at him, still cradling myself. Curtis looked over my face before running his hand over my scratched skin, worry written across his face. He had also cleaned away the blood across him, revealing the occasional cut, but he still looked defeated. He removed his hand before moving closer to me as he placed an arm over my shoulder. I shuffled closer to him practically throwing myself over him, gripping onto his chest for dear life. His thumb was running smooth circles across my naked wet back. He had leant his head down, peppering constant kisses onto my damp hair. With Curtis beside me, I instantly felt safe, but that would never take away the horrors I witnessed, the things I did and what happened to Edgar.