My King of Darkness (Maven x OC)

Chapter 35

Maven
*Warning: Depressed Maven*

                       "I killed her! I killed my mother!"
                       "What?" Lydia asked, incredulously.
                       My hands went up into my dark hair, making fists. I fought the urge to rip the locks out. "I killed my mother, Lydia," I croaked, "What kind of son am I?"
                       I pulled my knees up to my face and rocked back and forth. The walls were closing in. I couldn't breathe.
                       "Maven, take deep breaths, okay? Don't talk like that. You did the right thing,"
                       "The right thing?!" I screamed, mainly to drown out the voices. I pulled on my hair harder, "I don't care about that. She's gone and it's my fault. Everything is my fault."
                       "I understand," Lydia said, "She was your mother. It's normal to be upset...but I'll get us out of here. And then you'll see—"
                       "I don't think I want to get out of here,"
                       "What?"
                       "I deserve whatever happens to me,"

                        The next few days passed slowly. I only knew the passing time because of the light coming in from the small windows and then waning into night. That and Lydia would tell me from the other side of the wall if she was leaving and coming back and going to sleep. I stayed sitting where I was on the floor mostly. What was the point?
                         I didn't sleep much. My mother's face tormented me when I closed my eyes and when I did sleep I woke up screaming from the nightmares. I could hear Lydia rushing to the wall, telling me that she was here and it was just a dream.
                          Hearing her voice was salve to my pain, but it didn't change the fact that they weren't just dreams. I saw the way my mother looked at me right before she died, she felt betrayed. And it wasn't just her face I saw. I saw my father's unseeing eyes, full of accusation. I saw Cal—my brother's pain when he killed him, I saw the betrayal on Mare's face when I turned on her.
                            "What is fucking wrong with me?" I asked Lydia when I told her all this.
                            "Maven, I think you're detoxing," she said, carefully, "Now that she's...gone, Elara's hold on you is gone for good."
                           "I haven't had a nightmare since I was a child. I don't miss them,"
                          "Don't worry. They won't always be like this," I heard her cracking a smile, "Soon you'll have silly dreams like the rest of us. Naked dreams, falling dreams, flying dreams...or you'll dream of us in bed like I do,"
                          I chuckled, "What I wouldn't give for one of those dreams now. I miss you, I miss your smile, I miss your skin..."
                           "We'll be together again soon, Maven. I promise,"