oneshots of cursed tpoath ships

Sirus x Berries (omg this is a thing called objectophilia)

Sooooo...um, I lost all my dignity at this point. And was this certain story worth it? No. I hate it. So much. And not because it is edgy and terribly cursed. It's because it's terrible.

***

On the pad of his palm, Sirus held a delicacy. A meal. A glorious meal. Literally a meal.

"Mhm. I'm going to have fun tonight." He licked his lips.

Behind him were stashes of berries reaching high enough to the ceiling. They were almost touching the roof. One would consider him a hoarder if they knew about his collection.

Well, at least they didn't.

Delighted, his threw his berries into a massive pile and leaped head first into it. The juices squished into his pelt, caking his fur in sweet, cool colors. Feeling high with his lovers, he kissed each and every one of the berries in his vicinity.

Each berry was a different scent. A different flavor. A different feeling. Each tingle of his taste buds dazzled a different sensation. A sparkling sensation. A butterfly-churning sensation.

These berries were better than drugs.

These berries were drugs.

These berries were his drugs. 

His partners.

His polygamous soulmates.

"Ah," he sighed, breathing his warm breath into his girlfriends. "You guys are the reason I live. Each and every one of you matter in my life."

Sirus locked his eyes on a single berry. "Yes. You too, Jemma, my precious blueberry." Then another one. "Yes. You too, Alice, my precious raspberry." And then another one. "Yes. Even you too, my Carol, my precious banana."

Disappointed, he grunted, "Ugh, I wish I could exclaim my love to each one individually. I would be here forever. Unless...." He smiled. "...you guys want me to be here forever."

Swallowed in a newfound glee, he popped one into his mouth. "Wow. Isa! I didn't think you'd taste that good! So much for being an unknown berry!"

A rush of sky high hit him. "Woo! I'm going to have fun tonight!" he repeated much more joyously. "We're gonna have fun tonight! Hahahaahahah!" he laughed, his head having hit the clouds.

He clasped a pawful of berries and smushed them into his face. Licking his lips again, he savored all of the parts of the palette. The bittersweet, the sour, the tangy, the sugary, the ripe, the sharp.

"You guys mean so much to me!" he yelled, unaware of his volume levels. "The others wouldn't understand."

A thought rammed into his head, and he muttered, "Especially Lukas. Fuck him."

He returned his voice to normal level, like a casual conversation. Like this was normal. "We should raid his house together." 

He went back on track, frowning. "But nobody would understand."

He waved his paws around and talked in a mocking tone. "They'll say 'you can't fall in love with objects. With food! With berries! What are you Sirus? Berry-sexual? Are you berry in love with them?'"

He mumbled under his breath again. "Fuck Midnight and her puns. Berry in love with them...."

"Guess what Midnight?" he screeched, "I guess I am!"

Going mad with the effect of being high, he stuffed his mouth with more berries, known or unknown. "Ugh. Ugh! Yes! You taste so good! Mmh! I think I'm on top of the world! Wee woo, wee woo, wee woo! I'm really grateful for my berries! So grateful. Hahahahaah! So grape-ful for my sweet-hearts!"

He froze.

Oh no. He realized. I made a pun.

He morphed into his worst enemy. To what he feared he would become. He sighed, defeated.

"Ugh, I hate myself." 

***

Me too, Sirus. Me too.

I'm sorry Gooner for making you do...this.

Hope y'all enjoyed :)