Broken Book 2

Compromise.

I woke up and decided to shower and actually get dressed, so I dressed in this.

I didn't put makeup on, and I threw my hair into a bun, Carlisle was sat in a chair reading, but watched me as I got dressed. I leaned against the wall as he said "Have you been having nightmares the whole time?" I sighed and said "Um no, those started January 15th." He said "Was that...?" I nodded and said "Yeah a date I will never forget," Carlisle pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I said "What are you doing?" He said "Maddie, please just let me hold you, I need it and you do as well, notice how you instantly relaxed." I said "I don't want to need it, I don't want to love you anymore, I'm terrified." 

He said "Of what?" I said "Of you, I am terrified of you." his arms around my waist tensed as he froze, I said "Not physically I know you'd never physically hurt me, I mean if I get comfortable, if I let you in, then you'll leave me again and I can't handle another heartbreak." He said "I promise you I will never leave you again." I said "I can't trust that is truth, Carlisle in Phoenix you said in exact words 'I will never leave you, you and Dominic are my entire life. There is nothing in existence that could make me leave you. I love you.' And then we had the most perfect summer where I truly believed your words. Only for you to leave me after Bella and I's birthdays. It might have been easier to forgive you and myself had you actually said goodbye, but you didn't, I don't count a letter as goodbye." 

He relaxed a little after I said I wasn't scared of him physically, and he said "I understand you to forgiving me, but what do you mean forgive yourself?" I said "I am partially to blame for my own pain, I let myself trust and love and that is also my fault, had I not let myself get attached then you leaving wouldn't have brought me down to the floor." He said "No don't do that, I hurt you, I'm to blame not you. You did nothing wrong Maddie. I will do whatever it takes to win you back." I sighed and leaned against his chest and I said "You've never lost my heart Carlisle, you've lost my trust. I just... I need you to understand, I need to be near you but I cannot be your girlfriend right now. If when we are near each other and you want to hold me, I won't stop you because.... Well because one you are correct it is very calming, and two I do still love you and I do love being in your arms. I also realize sometimes you need to hold me for yourself because I know it calms you and makes you feel better. I am ok with that however..." 

He kissed my head and I said "Ok just listen please. We are not dating right now, so I'll let the kissing my head thing slide but no couple things, like we will not kiss. No kissing my neck or down, I don't care if you insist on being in here when I change cause you've seen it all before but no touching. You have lost your full access until you can prove, I can trust you not to leave and don't ask me how to do that because honestly I have no idea. That is something you get to figure out. I realize I am your mate and as such means sometimes you have needs to hold me and sometimes I just need to be held by you that is why I'm allowing it. I don't want to hurt your feelings I just..." 

He cut me off and said "I understand Maddie, you have given me my only wish. You have given me the permission to earn your trust back and I will forever be grateful of that, and I won't hurt you again and I'll prove it somehow." there was a knock on the door and then it opened revealing Edward and Bella. Bella said "Does this mean you two are together again?" I said "No I'm not as stupid as you, it means I love him enough to give him a chance to prove he is serious about not leaving me again. He doesn't have that chance if I am not around, so since I don't want to actually lose him I will be around, and if he can prove it which even I don't know how he can, then we will re-evaluate the situation and a romantic relationship can begin."

Bella said "Hey! How am I stupid?" I gave her my really look and said "You can't seriously be asking that question. How I was after I lost my baby, you were 10 times worse over a boy who told you he never even loved you and that you were a plaything. Who then had the audacity to call and ask for Charlie who was getting ready for Uncle Harry's funeral and instead of asking who's funeral it was, tried to kill himself. After everything the last six months left us with, you took him back like he was play doh." Bella was pissed and said "At least I didn't let my babies die." I freaked and saw red, I struggled to get to her but Carlisle held me tighter to his chest. I screamed "I am going to fucking kill you Isabella Marie!!!" 

Jasper came in and started to calm the room, it didn't lessen my need to murder her but I acted like it did, including controlling my thoughts. Carlisle loosened his hold on me and I quickly escaped his arms going straight for my sister. I forgot a small detail about Carlisle, he is faster than me. He shoved me against the wall holding my hands above my head, and using his body weight to keep me against the wall. He said "Edward take Bella out of here." I was thrashing as best I could as Edward said "Come on Bella, that was a low blow." She looked distressed and said "I know, Maddie I'm sorry I didn't mean it." The three of them left, and I continued to thrash. 

Carlisle pulled me to his chest as I slowly stopped thrashing and sat on the bed with me straddling his lap. His arms like a comforting steel cage around my waist, I laid my head on his chest and cried at what my sister said to me. He held me as I cried, just rubbing my back and being patient with me.