Sole Survivor (Eminem Fanfic)

Breathless

Lilly POV

Marshall was right. He was so busy the following day that we did not even get a chance to talk to each other.  I was busy too though. I was learning how everything works and meeting the new crew I would be working with.  We locked eyes a few times, but no big conversation like the previous day. I got an occasional, "Hey girl" and "Lilly from Philly" as he playfully poked my side as he walked by, making me giggle, but it was not until later that evening that my phone lit up.

M- "You looked pretty today" the text read.

L- "who's this?"

M- "Shady baby"

L- "How'd u get my #?"

M- "Baby girl u know I got connections"

L- "lol"

     "Ima text u my address for tomorrow night" (she did)

     "I have an appointment right after work. Be at my place at 6:30"

M- "Aight. I'll be there with bells on"

L- "lol"

M- "I gotta go. It's almost midnight. I'm surprised you're still up." 

      "sweet dreams beautiful!"

L- "goodnight Marshall!"

Marshall had no idea that I would not be falling asleep anytime soon. I continued watching my show as I folded some clothes and finally laid down around 2AM, not tired at all, but eventually nodded off.

I felt big, fat hands striking my face, tasting blood in my mouth.

I awoke in a cold sweat, fighting for breath. I kept wiping my mouth, but there was nothing there. I held my head in my hands and sat up in bed, crying for a few minutes. When I got myself together, I glanced at the clock. 5:05 AM Time for a run.

I watched the sunrise over the ocean as I ran. This morning I chose my girl power playlist. Andra Day/Rise Up and Alicia Keys/Girl on Fire played on my iPod. I was trying to overcome my fears and planned to discuss the nightmares after work today with my trauma therapist.

I went home to shower and get ready for work. Today I wore my Off White hoodie, ripped jeans, and matching Off White sneakers.  I checked out my figure staring back in the mirror.

 "I gotta flex a little today. I got a special dinner date tonight." I said to my reflection.

At work, it was the same as yesterday. Marshall was so busy rehearsing there wasn't a moment to spare. I was sure he saw me from afar though. My phone pinged and when I glanced at it, it was Marshall.

M-🔥

L- LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After work, I went to therapy.

My therapist Dr. Greenbaum greeted me. "Hello Lilly. How was your week?"

"Terrible" I answered sharply.

"Are you still having panic attacks? Nightmares?" 

"Yes, and yes." Was my short answer.

The doc looked at me sympathetically. "How often are your panic attacks?"

"About twice a day." 

Then she explained to me, "PTSD often lasts for months or even years. Have you practiced your breathing? Find an object and..."

"Find an object and concentrate on it?" I cut her off. "Yes of course, but with all due respect, all the deep breaths and lavender oil in the world won't change the fact that this animal beat the fuck out of me and then forced himself on me."

Dr. Greenbaum paused a few seconds. "I understand." She began. "I also encourage you to go to the support group for women like we talked about and begin to share your story. You eventually must make the transition from victim to survivor. Whenever the time is right for you."

I walked out of therapy crying, I felt so hopeless. After my therapy session, I had an hour to run to the grocery store and then rush home to make dinner. I felt like I should be making something more exciting than spaghetti, but it was quick and it was good. I might even try to eat tonight.  I quickly mixed the tomato puree with meat and garlic and left it to simmer.

I had been crying on and off all day and tried taking some deep breaths while holding my panda figurine to focus on not having a panic attack. When I calmed down a bit, I palmed some shine oil in my hands and ran it through my curls.

I gave myself one last glance in the mirror as the doorbell rang.

I asked my reflection, "What the hell am I doing?"