Vapor

Chapter Eighteen

Hey guys.... It's been a while, but happy late thanksgiving. Sorry I meant to update before I went home but here I am. I'm sleep deprieved and stressed but I love ya all. Please let me know if you want this to keep going on.

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Work count: 1.5K

Warnings: Language, mentions of kidnapping and violence.

IMPORTANT (PLS READ) : There is two ways this fic can go depending on what you guys want. It can go on for about 3-4 more chapters or about 7-10 more chapters. I don't know if you guys aren't reading it anymore or if you lost interest, so please let me know.

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I had no sense of time anymore. Everything was a hazy mess as I woke up and fell asleep, constantly under the influence of some sort of drug. I wondered if it had been hours or days. I wondered if anyone was looking for me. I wanted to believe that JJ was spending every waking moment searching for me, but I couldn't be sure. As the drugs played tricks on my mind, I remembered the look on his face. The way he glared at me caused my heart to sink further and further into my stomach. Ever since I was 12, I just kept disappointing him more and more. And as much as I loved him, I would be lying if I hadn't thought that me being out of his life was for the best. I brought out the most extreme sides of him, the parts of himself he couldn't control. I made him contemplate everything he's ever known. I didn't want to tear him apart anymore.

I woke up and the room was silent. No lights were on and the walls were moving in a ripple like effect. I could barely see through the darkness, but as the minutes passed, I became more and more coherent. I knew better than to speak out at this point. I knew better than to draw attention back to myself. As the current waves of drugs left my system, my mind wandered back to the pogues.

I wondered if John B had worked out a way to get the gold. I wondered if he and Sarah were happy together. John was always one of those people that you look at and smile. To me, he always had things figured out to an extent. He might not work well under pressure all the time, but he preservers no matter what. I knew that he would thrive no matter what the situation was. The truth was, John and I were never super close. I constantly competed with him for JJ's attention and that often made us argue. I respected him though for doing the one thing I couldn't the past few years, protect JJ.

I wondered if Pope had gone to his scholarship interview already. I had no doubts in my mind that he would crush it. He was the smartest person I knew and that was honestly an understatement. Not only was he booksmart, but he was streetsmart as well. He knew how to handle himself in a situation and overcome everything. He might not completely understand social cues, but he was still one of the most friendly souls that I have and will ever meet. If I ever needed anything, he would be the first person I would go to for help.

I wondered if Kiara was holding up. She had her hands full with the three boys. I remembered always being jealous of her as I grew up. She became a kook and they still wanted her around, but when I became a kook, they were so ready to push me away. I wondered what made her special enough to keep around over me, but as I grew closer to them all again I began to realize. She was special. She knew exactly how to handle everyone and keep situations under control. She was also the most caring and genuine person I've ever met. I would've kept her around over me as well. I hoped she wasn't trying to pick up the pieces of the mess I caused.

I wondered if JJ cared that I was gone. I wondered if he thought I had disappeared on him again and that this was good riddance. I wondered if he was tearing himself apart. I couldn't figure out which scenario I wanted more. On one hand, I wanted him to care that I wasn't by his side right now. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and that nothing would ever hurt me again. However, with that came the guilt. I knew he would be worried sick. I knew that he would blame himself. Then there was the part of me that wished he couldn't care less about me. The one where his anger gets the better of him and he eliminates me from his mind. He wouldn't hurt that way. He wouldn't see me as I slowly unraveled. But, after how long would he begin to lose bits of himself? Would he close himself off to the world again? Even if that did happen, he would have his friends to help him pull through.

I lifted my head once again and my throat felt dry. Nothing had changed since my thoughts ran wild, but something in me had changed. I was preparing to give up. I had reflected on the ones I loved the most and I had made peace with the idea of slipping through their fingers once again. My head was spinning and my body felt heavy. I was thankful for the moments that I had spent reconnecting with them, but this was the full circle ending that my life was destined. I didn't die like all the children before me even though I was nothing special. Nothing set me apart from those children and I should've suffered the same fate. I shouldn't have to live knowing that I was the one that got away... This was the ending of my full cycle.

JJ's POV:

I sat awake and thinking about all the horrible things Addie could be going through. I wondered if I should tell her parents. Maybe they would know what to do, but how could I tell them I lost their daughter for a second time? I mentally screamed at myself. I knew that I should be out doing something, anything, but what if she came home while I was away. What if I just messed everything up further? A million thoughts ran through my head at a million miles an hour and I couldn't keep track of them all. I let out a soft sigh and buried my head into the pillow beside me. How could I live with myself knowing that I kept failing her over and over?

I raised my head at the quiet knock and a small voice. My name left their mouth in a desperate manner. Sarah stood cautiously at the door, staring at me with sad eyes. I knew that none of this was her fault, but anger still filled me when I saw her. Her brother was doing this to Addie. Her family always looked down on people like me. That didn't mean she was like that though. I saw the way John B and her cared for each other and I was happy for them. I just wasn't happy at all right now.

"JJ?" she asked again. My eyes met hers and I looked away.

"Go away..." I muttered. My voice cracked as I forced the words out. I knew she was just checking up on me, but I didn't think there was anything she could say to make me feel better. I was wrong.

"I think I know where Addie could be..." Her words repeated in my mind as I rushed with her to the car. My hands were shaking and I was sweating. I sat in the passenger seat and tried not to lose my cool. I just needed her to drive faster. I needed Addie. When we arrived at the shipping dock, I thought she was pulling my leg. I looked around frantically and saw no sign of A. I was losing my fucking mind without her.

"This way..." Sarah muttered. Her voice was small and scared. I followed her up to a shipping crate. I heard her mumbling about how her parents use this for storage. I heard her, but I wasn't listening. I started as she fumbled with the keys and opened the doors slowly. The crate was dark, but I could still see perfectly. Addie.

I rushed forward to her and knelt down in front of her. I gently placed my hand on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and stared at me. Tears filled my eyes at how weak she looked. I muttered out apology after apology, begging for her to forgive me. I untied her as I pleaded. As soon as her arms were free, she reached forward and lifted my shirt. She said nothing, but she brushed her hand over my closed wound. I broke down at the small action. I told her to stop. I told her to stop worrying about me. I told her I was sorry. It wasn't enough though. She made herself small around me. She was hurt because of me. I pulled her into my arms, lifting her to carry her to the car. Her small, hoarse voice whispered softly next to my ear.

"I'm sorry," she said. I hugged her tightly in my arms as if to tell her I would never let her go again.

"No, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said back. I rushed to the car, my main focus on getting her somewhere safe. "I love you. I'm sorry."