The Alliance

Chapter 1

I coudn't sleep.

Which wasn't unusual. I had sleeping pills, but I didn't like how they made me feel numb. I'm sure that's the whole point of them, but I didn't want to be numb. I wanted to be happy. Which was a lot to ask.

So I hadn't taken them last night. Sometimes I like to not take them to see if I can sleep without them, which I usually can't. Maybe my subconscious thinks that if I stop taking them, I won't need them at some point.

I get out of bed at 7:10 am, getting ready for school, after two weeks off for Christmas. Even though I drive to school, I get there usually an hour before. I'd rather be sitting alone in my car than feel alone around my family.

The school has decided to try a new thing this year, and now we have new classes right after Christmas break. My classes aren't horrible, but I have math in third period, and I hate it.

My family just hopes that for I to go back to the way I was. I guess I can't be too upset. I was good before. I wasn't exceptionally smart, or hilarious. I was shy, but I didn't mind being that way. It was me. And I liked myself.

I put on a hoodie and sweatpants, thanking god that it was cold enough to do that without my mom questioning why I chose to cover myself. Even though she knows why.

But she still questions it, as if I'll suddenly snap and blurb out all of my feelings and insecurities. I put a cap over my head, and leave my room.

I walk down the hallway and smell eggs, bacon, and toast. Wow, they are trying this morning. Probably because for the past two weeks I haven't been doing anything besides laying in bed. I look around and realize they didn't make anything for Theo.

I enter the kitchen and see all the toppings I love scattered around the island. Stacks of toast on a big plate, and a filled-up pan with eggs, with all my favorite added ingredients. Extra cheese, even.

"What's the occasion?" I ask as I sit at the kitchen table, not grabbing any food. My mom sets a mug of tea in front of me, then sits down across from me. I look in the mug. Tea. I haven't had tea in a while. I take a sip, enjoying the warmth as it slides down my throat.

"I didn't know it was a crime to cook for the people I love." My mom shrugs. "Besides, you need some meat on your bones. Especially now, when it's winter. I want you to stay warm." She adds.

"Where's Theo?" I ask, biting into a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana.

"Theo's at school for music. Piano." My dad says, his eyes glued on his phone. Probably playing candy crush. It's not like he talks to me about recent games he's playing. Or at all.

Theo's getting good at the piano, even though he's only 15. He goes to school earlier than me two or three days a week for the band that's run by the school, or if he's playing music in a play at school.

He usually carpools with a few friends who are also in band. On days he doesn't go to school early, my dad drives him since the school he works at is nearby and starts later.

I think he and my mom understand that I won't be driving Theo to school anymore. Maybe it's selfish to only drive me when I could drive us both, but I'm not fun to drive with anyway.

My parents only made me promise to pick up Theo every day, and I obliged, as long as I didn't have to wait for him after school. And I don't, because he wants to leave school as fast as I do.

Silence takes over the kitchen and I close my eyes. Dear god, take me now. Like, right now.

"So, how are you doing? Sleeping well?" My mother asks, as she bites into her toast, then takes a sip of her coffee.