Loving Oliver

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ １３ Ｌｏｖｉｎｇ ｔｈｅ Ｃｏｍｐａｎｙ ａｎｄ Ｂｌｕｅ】

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ　１３　Ｌｏｖｉｎｇ　ｔｈｅ　Ｃｏｍｐａｎｙ　ａｎｄ　Ｂｌｕｅ】

(Extra Update)

Chapter 13 Loving the Company and Blue

After we got home last night Sam and I had dinner together. Owen left to give us a little privacy, but I had a feeling he was out on another "date". Sam spoke a little about the diner and how excited he was about adding a few more meals to the menu. I could hear it in his voice, the passion and love he had for his business. It was in the timber of his voice and the thoughts that were always orbiting around his new ideas for his diner. I admired him for it.

"So, let's talk." Sam says after sipping on his beer. He already finished his chicken Alfredo and his eyes were focused on me. I was on my second helping of my pasta and was finally full. I loved it. I would never count calories again.

My eyes widen at Sam's segue way and I set down my fork in anticipation of Sam's line of questioning.

Sam takes in my fearful look and laughs before wiping his hand down his face. I hear him mumble something that sounds like a "Fuck" but his next words take me by surprise.

"God Parker, just the mention of us talking sends you into a panic. Am I really that bad?" He asks shaking his head and leaning back in his seat.

Guilt washes over me like a thick winter coat and my throat feels tighter. Sam was really trying to make me feel welcome here. I could tell he cared for me and all I managed was to make him feel like he was doing a shitty job.

But my hang ups were my own, not his and he had to know that.

"No Sam. You're actually pretty great. It's not you I promise." I attempt to reassure him but the doubtful gaze he sends, tells me I failed that pretty fucking quickly.

His shirt is dirty from work, he looks a bit tired and there are worry lines nestled on his forehead as though they've made permanent residence there.

All Sam had wanted to do with me was come home after a long day of work, have a beer, and eat dinner with me. It's what he had been doing all week and I had just added stress to what was supposed to be a relaxing evening.

I tried not to spiral at the onslaught of guilt that hit me in rolling waves. I seriously was skilled at the art of fucking up and now I brought it into Sam's home.

From now on I would try. I would really try despite being shit at it.

"Sam, I swear it's not you. The last time I heard those words were after mom approached me about drugs. It just reminded me of how that conversation went. I know we have to talk. I get it. Please, go on. I'm listening." I nod gently, giving him my full attention.

Sam's warm brown eyes soften and his mouth pops open in surprise, but he nods in understanding. He runs his hands through his hair, and he squints while looking at the table in concentration. Like he's trying to figure how to say what he needs to say. He's tiptoeing around my emotional ass and it's making things harder.

"Sam, I know I haven't been easy since coming here. I know I haven't been forth coming about some of my hang-ups. I'm sorry I haven't made things easy for you. I know I could easily be sitting in a rehab alone and I... I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. I can't give you my whole story at once because... I'm still, I'm still trying to sort through... everything. But please just..." I don't know what to say, and I'm lost.

My parents really didn't have conversations with me like this. A back and forth dialogue, and the only person who helped me talk things out wasn't here.