Loving Oliver

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ １６ Ｌｏｖｉｎｇ ｔｈｅ Ｃｏｍｐａｎｙ， Ｎｏｔ Ｓｏ Ｍｕｃｈ Ｔｈｅ Ａｔｔｅｎｔｉｏｎ】

Blue speaks into the silence that surrounds us at the table before gently standing up to make her way over to me.

I fucked up this nice lunch and I had no idea how to set it back on track. I couldn't answer Tristan's question because I couldn't even accept what had really happened. 

I hadn't once said aloud what had happened and I wouldn't begin explaining in the middle of my brother's restaurant where he was meeting my friends for the first time.

I wasn't screwed up enough to do that at least.

Blue and I excused ourselves and she led us to the back of the kitchen where the extra food was stocked. We settled on stools we had found in the corners and sat in comfortable silence for a moment.

I closed my eyes to take a deep breathe. Always thinking of a way to avoid the conversation. Of coming up with a way to pacify the people who asked of Ollie. 

And I loathed avoiding him or talking about what happened because Oliver deserved better than to be shoved to the back of my mind. He deserved to be loved and appreciated.

I open my eyes to Blue looking softly my way. Everything about her was soft, gentle, caring, loving. She truly was one of the kindest people I had ever met in the entertainment industry. She was the kindest person I had met in general. Well, besides Oliver. 

Although the way Sam was with his friends and customers I was beginning to think he was gentler and kinder than I had thought when he had first picked him up at the airport.

I had my suspicions that mom had told Sam exaggerated qualities of me to put Sam's guard up hence the intimidating meeting. She hadn't told me much of him but every time she had mentioned him in passing after she kicked him out she had painted him to be rebellious and irresponsible.

I had a funny feeling that she was pinning us against each other from the start. Luckily Sam and I were the complete opposite of what she had described so maybe we stood a fucking chance in hell to have an actual relationship much to her future disappointment.

"Parker?" Blue calls out softly. Her voice was this beautiful combination of an American and British accent that sounded silvery.

"Blue, I'm... I can't." I whisper out in a small voice looking down at my hands.

"I know baby girl. I know. That's okay." She bends down from the stool and moves for me. Embracing me into a warm hug filled with promise. A promise of safety and understanding.

I felt understood despite her not even knowing a single fucking thing.

How did Devon make me feel that way?

"It's not okay now and that is okay. It's okay to not be okay right now. I don't know what happened and I know you're not ready to talk about it. That's okay." She whispers as I feel my arms wrap around her tiny shoulders.

I clutch my arms to her like a flotation device. My life the ocean threatening me with waves of uncertainty and currents of cold pressure threatening to numb me until I didn't know what my body felt like anymore.

"I'm scared. I haven't cried since... I know I need to but... I have no tears... All I have is this stabbing pain that steels my breath like a thief in the night." I choke out as I squeeze my eyes shut.

Blue's arms squeeze me tight before one of her hands rubs my shoulder in comfort. To calm the panic that fills my head.

Blue keeps rubbing my back as I bury my face in her shoulder. Like she's shielding me from all the fucking judgement that Oliver's mom had in her eyes the night she kicked me out of his hospital room.