THE MEMORY OF YOU...US...MY 8TH GRADE YEAR

Sink or Swim

    Sink or swim. Oftentimes used as a way to mean, literally, you sink or you swim. Many parents have used this phrase when teaching their child how to swim. They teach them the basics and put them in the water where survival instincts kick in and they swim, or they start to sink and need “saving” by the parents. This has seemed to be effective for some families in the case of teaching their child how to swim.

Now you may be thinking, why are we talking about swimming? My reasoning behind this is to further explain the hardship that I went through after Aydin’s passing. Usually, as earlier stated, sink or swim is used in the case of actual swimming. In my case, I could either drown in my grief, “sink”. Meaning push everyone away and isolate myself from society. Or, I could get up and go on with life, in other words, “swim”.

At first, I sunk. I had no hope left. I had no purpose. I felt guilty and ashamed and I was grieving. I hated going to school and seeing everyone’s faces, but not his. I would get on the bus in the morning with a tear-stained face, and everyone knew why. Though, one thing I will never understand is why the kids who barely knew Aydin or that he was even a person, decided to say that I had no right to be crying. That I didn’t know him and we weren’t friends.

This had to have been one of the hardest things to deal with those last few months of 8th grade. Everything that I write, is taking place from the end of my 8th-grade year, into the beginning of my 9th-grade year. Even to this day, I am still learning to “swim”. To get up every morning, and love me. To wake up knowing that Aydin won’t be here, and accepting it.

I used to think that there was no choice but to sink. To give up. I was wrong. So very wrong. There is always another option. You don’t have to give in to your grief. You don’t have to let it tear you down. If you just keep thinking positive, taking things one step at a time, then you will make it through it.
I still have bad days. When all I want to do is lay in bed, and sleep. I’ve learned that through all these bad days, I still have to get up and put a smile on my face. If not for myself, then for Aydin. Never forget that there is always someone who cares for you and who would do anything for you. If you think that isn’t true, then you haven’t met that person yet. At the right time, you will meet that person.