“A person never truly gets ‘over’ a suicide loss. You get through it day by day. Sometimes it’s moment by moment.” It’s only been the first few weeks of 9th grade and I still wish Aydin were here to experience this all with me. I used to blame the school. Even now, I still wonder if more could have been done. There are days I just don’t want to go to school. I’ve experienced bullying and I have never always been the nicest person. Aydin helped with that. He showed me how to control my anger and my emotions and he helped me to make better habits. Through the bullying, he was there when the school wasn’t. If this is you, maybe this will help.
If you feel like you aren’t being heard by your school or anyone, well I’ve been there. Don’t be afraid to speak out to your school and family. If you feel unsafe, get a close and trusted friend to go with you as you report the situation. Sometimes reporting an issue on your own can be difficult or can make you nervous. It can even cause extra stress which feels like weight on your shoulders. We’ve all been in a situation that causes these emotions at one point or another in our lives.
You may think, what does this have to do with getting through the loss of a friend? Well, for me, I went through a lot and never felt like people heard or understood me. So I would go to Aydin. He helped me to open up. Without him, I had to learn ways to confide in people and open up and talk to a trusted adult, all on my own.
He was his own kind of special. This is unique and a great kind of special. He had ways of relating and understanding even if it was something small. He made everyone feel special, even if he didn’t know them. That’s what he did for me. When we first met, the way we met was as simple and silly as an email. I was going through a confusing period in my life and he understood what I was going through. He helped me to confide in teachers about issues that had been happening at school. If he noticed that they weren’t doing anything or that the situation had escalated, he would take it into his own hands to help me and make it clear to the adults that there was an issue.
Each day I wake up, and even if I’m sad or hurting, I try to put a smile on my face for everyone around me. I want to be happy and influence my friends in a way that will cheer them up and make them happy. We all should be spreading love and kindness. Some people believe it’s cliche and stupid, but it’s the truth. The times have changed and we need to show each other more love.
I keep waiting for the day when I wake up and realize that he’s been gone for one year. Most of the time it still feels like it just happened yesterday. Then I go to school and realize how much time has really gone by. Even through all of this, and the realization of how long it has been, I still put a smile on my face. I do this because positivity is infectious.
Even if you get to a point when time suddenly hits you and you see how long it has been, don’t forget to smile and think positive. You never know who you might help just by showing them your smile. Be strong, not only for yourself, but for your family, friends, and even people who are simply in your community.
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THE MEMORY OF YOU...US...MY 8TH GRADE YEAR
No FicciónMy name is Zoie. I am a highschool student and this is the story of how I lost my friend to suicide and my hardships. I hope this gets out into the world and helps others. Will try to update weekly with what I have. Content and trigger warning: this...
