#04 Love Letter

Chapter 5

Jungeun is starting to regret her decision of proposing. She feels like she is in chains, being tied up to people's wishes, because this isn't what she wanted. At first, it was fun with Sooyoung, but her parents pressuring her was just too much, that she just did whatever to please her parents, but she wasn't happy. Yes, she did have a huge crush on Sooyoung, and when she came running into her arms after Jinsoul and Sooyoung broke up, she was happy, but there's a saying, people change. And so when Jungeun realise that Sooyoung wasn't the Sooyoung she knew, she actually wanted to end things off. But, her parents. 

She began to meet ViVi and Haseul in private, it was a big decision she was making. But Haseul told her, that she shouldn't be disappointed in herself. Failure only means that Jungeun was trying, that she was making an effort.

Maybe it was a sudden thought, but Jungeun knew something was off ever since Sooyoung had started looking at her drawer. Maybe it was all an excuse. But traveling was one of the few things she wanted to do, alone. She decided on this when she was in Taiwan on one of her vacations. She enjoyed looking at scenery and interacting with random people on the go.

So after that rumour, Jungeun started having trust issues with Sooyoung. It came to a point where she couldn't take it anymore, she had to trust her gut feeling because it didn't sit right that the rumours were resurfacing, so she opened the drawer that Sooyoung was constantly opening every night, and when it had revealed something that disturb her, she knew that it was time. She sought help from Haseul once more, and after pondering about it, she decided that she was going to do it.

It took two months, after the storm, it was peaceful as the rumours had died down. Now Sooyoung felt like something was wrong, Jungeun was being weird, and it wasn't usual. Sooyoung felt Jungeun and her drifting apart, and she didn't know why. Unlike her, every night, there lay someone decisive in her decisions, and every so often she would have countless days of sleepless nights but consulting Haseul always helped her to think logically and rationally. Jungeun has made her decision. As painful as it is, she didn't want to be selfish. So she made a decision. She texted her lover to meet her at Seoul tower, because there's been something on her mind that she has been dying to say.

On the way to Seoul tower, Sooyoung envied the couple there, they were enjoying each other's presence in each other's embrace, and Sooyoung longed for that. So when she had finally seen Jungeun leaning over the railing, she gave her back hug which caused Jungeun to jump. Jungeun smiled but slowly pried away the hands that were snuck round her waist.

" What's wrong Jungeun ? "

" Sooyoung, whatever I'm going to tell you, you may not like to hear it, but I loved you, I've always loved you. So hear me out. "

Sooyoung nodded, which Jungeun then continued.

" You were the perfect girlfriend for me, we did everything together, I thought I had found a soulmate, but really, after all these weeks of thinking, I was only doing it because everyone was pressuring me to get married. And I got tired, I got tired of listening to people, I forgot to listen to myself, to follow my dreams, and so I did. And after much consideration, I want to call this engagement off. Sooyoung, you're perfect in every way, but the guilt is eating me alive, I stole someone's lover away from them. Sooyoung, I know, I know you want to get married, but it isn't to me. It's Jinsoul. "

" What are you talking about ? "

" Sooyoung, you still kept the ring that Jinsoul gave you in the drawer. You were never really over her, because you're still hoping that maybe one day she will return to you. "

" I- "

" It's okay, I'm not mad, and I'm glad we're splitting up, because I rather much prefer the single life. I have a lot of things I want to do, and one of them is being able to travel to different countries, but you won't be there when I want to go, because you love dance, way too much. "

" Jungeun, I'm willing to give up dance for you, I'm willing to give up everything for- ""

" No, that's the thing, you think that you are willing to give up everything for me, but you aren't willing to give Jinsoul up. "

" Why do you keep saying- "

" Because I know it. Besides the guilt of me stealing someone else's girlfriend, I know you still like her. "

Soyoung tried hard not to cry. At this point she was feeling guilty for being obvious with her feelings. Jungeun instantly pulled the older one into a hug.

" It's okay, it was fun loving you and being with you, but we're better off as friends and I know you're okay with it, because I am. Go be with her. "

" Jungie... I don't know what to do. "

" Just, take your time. But not too much. Go get your girl. "

Sooyoung nodded in Jungeun's embrace and before they knew it, they were packing Sooyoung's things in boxes. She was moving out, and about to tell her parents the sad news. When she delivered the news to her parents, she felt a sense of relief when it all came out. Her mother nodded. She had gotten used to Sooyoung liking girls, with the help of Sooyoung's dad. So when her dad saw her unreadable first, he requested for just the both of them to take a walk.

" What's the matter honey ? I know there's something bothering you. "

" I feel like a terrible person, dad. She loved me, and I thought I did, but I was still clinging on to someone. Even though Jungeun said that she was just being with me for fun and proposing to me because of her parents expectation, I can't help but feel guilty.

" Honey, let me ask you something. Were you happy with Jungeun ? "

" Yes, I was. "

" Did you give in your 101% into the relationship ? "

" I did. "

" Then there's nothing for you to feel bad about. Yes you might still have lingering feelings, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person. "

" She said she felt guilty, for stealing Jinsoul away from the chance of her happiness. "

" Jinsoul ? Your ex ? "

" Yeah, I know it's complicated, but Jungeun said it was all fun and games. She just wanted to be with me because I was attractive, ever since university but I change, and she changed and she realise maybe getting married wasn't what she really wanted. "

" Then, leave it as that. She has chosen her own path, which is to go travelling, now you have your path to walk. I don't know how you're going to find your way, or which path you're taking, but I'm here for you, always. "

" Dad, I have a question to ask you. "

" Spill. "

" Why the sudden change of heart ? You told me I was a disgrace for liking someone of the same gender, but here you are, telling me to find my own path. "

" Sooyoung, it wasn't right of me to have said that, and it must have been tough for you to have heard such things from your own parents, I want to apologise sincerely. A colleague of mine somehow found out about you having a girlfriend and when he knew I was displeased with you, he told me that, if he ever had a child, all he ever wanted his child to be, is to be happy. And that's when I realised that my opinions on your life will not matter if she keeps you happy like how your mom keeps me happy. Sooyoung, I will support you, from today onwards. Your life may be a mess, but love is never easy. "

Sooyoung stopped walking on the sidewalk they were walking on. Her head hung low as tears formed in her eyes. Unexplainable emotions were flooding her, and soon, signs of hurt, signs of forgiveness, signs of joy, was marked on the concrete floor, one drop representing each emotion. Soon, she was engulfed in a warm embrace followed by

" I'm sorry Sooyoung. " 

Author's note: 

So, I realise no one really leaves comments here although I know you read them. So, that makes Sooyoung finally single again and finally, a reconciliation she never thought she needed. It's not everyday that parents support our every decision but I feel that a parent's love for their own child will always a mystery. Thank you for reading this book, it's not the end as there is an alternate part to the story. Shout out to one of my friend for helping me change the story plot because my original plot was crazy, so I wanted it be as realistic as it is. Song recommendation: Little mix-rendezvous, A mess.