that month in florida - dreamnotfound/gream

Ch 4

*!TW: PANIC ATTACK!* (only at the beginning of chapter)

Clay was nervous as fuck. He didn't even know how to begin? All of a sudden, he realized he couldn't breathe. Tears started streaming down his face. He was hyperventilating, and started worrying. What if he hates me? What if he drops me, because I'm bi? George realized Clay was having troubles breathing, and it clicked in his head.

Oh, fuck, he's having a panic attack!

George quickly went and turned on the lights, and hugged Clay tight, making sure he felt safe and comforted. He whispered reassurances into Clays ear. George then started instructed Clay to breathe along with him. 

George: "Just follow my breathing, you'll be ok. I'm here for you Clay, no matter what you happen to tell me. I would never ever leave you, no matter what you say. I love you Clay."

Clay calmed down and looked at George, with tears in his eyes. He had to start somewhere. He started.

Clay: "George? I'm..bi."

Clays voice was wobbly and high, waiting for his friend to be disgusted and leave him forever. But to his surprise, George didn't leave. He didn't start yelling, and he didn't hate Clay. He pulled Clay closer into a tight, comforting hug. Of course he didn't mind Clay was bi. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was for some reason happy Clay was bi.

George: Clay.. Its ok. I would never leave you because of that. I love you either way.

Clay looked down at George, his eyes wide. He quickly looked away, his heart started racing, and he got butterflies everywhere. He then blushed, looked back down at George, and embraced him in a hug. They eventually pulled away.

George: "Um, Clay?"

Clay looked at George, waiting for him to finish.

"So, whos Martin?"

Clays smile faded. George noticed this and quickly added, "Only if your comfortable talking about it of course."

Clay POV:

I wanted to tell George about Marin, so i blinked back the forming tears in my eyes and started. 

"He's my ex boyfriend. I never told you about him, because I was afraid you would stop being my friend because I'm bi. We didn't have the best relationship.."

George nodded in understanding, and I kept going. 

*!SELF HARM, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, RAPE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND ED  TRIGGER WARNING!*

"He abused me, sexually, mentally, physically.. But I felt like I couldn't escape. He would pressure me into doing things I've never done before, and wasn't ready to do. But I felt like I had to do them, or else he wouldn't love me. He would force me to have sex and stuff with him, and when I tried to say no, he would beat me until i reluctantly gave in. He would constantly bring me down, until my self-confidence was completely gone. Then, i fell into this deep hole of depression. I started getting suicidal, I started cutting myself, and not eating for a week at a time. He would always call me worthless, and point out all of my flaws. He would tell me no one else would love me except him, and i believed him. So i stayed in that relationship for too long. I'm still sensitive about our whole relationship in general. That's why i was crying so much. Its two months after our breakup, and I'm doing terrible. I started eating again, but its hard. Its hard to pretend your ok, especially after all that. I try and pretend I'm ok, for you guys, and for videos and streams. But I feel like i just cant anymore."

*!SELF HARM, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, RAPE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND ED TRIGGER WARNING OVER!*

I didn't even realize I was crying until he pulled me into a hug and I was full-on sobbing. Tears started forming in Georges eyes too.