My dandelion-Everlark fanfiction

Chapter 1

I see him looking at me with a mixed bowl of emotions. I can recognise cautiousness and happiness and then there's something weird I can't really make out what it is. I tuck my hair behind my ear but realize it's no use, because it's so dirty and tangled over my head. Also the black circles under my eyes are so dark from the massive sleep deprivation that it might look like someone had punched me.

Embarrassed I slam the door shut and leave Peeta to plant the evening primroses next to my house as I walk upstairs and go to my room. Then I remember again why I never came here in the first place. Even though they are basically dead, I can still smell the unnatural roses. The room is slowly starting to spin and I feel a bit dizzy when I open my window and throw out Snow's roses in a vase with all power I have left. I hear it crush on the ground and wonder if Peeta heard it.

Peeta. He's back. It's the only clear thought that I can form now. He has come back home. I wonder how he's doing, what's going on inside his head? He looked so much better than the last time I saw him, physically at least, gained some weight and muscle and his eyes were those clear blue eyes I remembered getting lost in before he was taken to the Capitol and... I don't want to think any further. But even if he looks well, I don't know where he is mentally. After all we've been through it would be no wonder if he has gone completely mad. He didn't look like he had though.

Same can't be said about me. Even my appearance shows that I couldn't care less about life, that I haven't moved anywhere from my house and that I have barely eaten anything. To be honest I haven't slept that much either. Because of the nightmares. It's a miracle that I'm even alive at this point. That I didn't take my own life as I so many times planned. Worry. That's what I saw in his eyes.

I decide to jump in the shower, first time in months. I let the water fall on my shoulders and I just stand there and try to figure out my thoughts. I have to wash my hair three times with shampoo to get the dirt and disgust off my hair.

Once I get out of the shower I brush my hair. It takes nearly half an hour to clear out all the frizz. But once I'm finished my hair actually looks like hair again rather than a random bird's nest on my head. It's still dripping wet but I decide to braid it anyways. I also smell a lot better than I did an hour ago.

I return to my room and close the window realizing that I left it open. It was probably a good thing though, because I can't smell the roses here any more. Instead I smell something way better coming from the kitchen downstairs. Greasy Sae must have come to cook again. Like she does twice a day. I would be dead for sure if she weren't here to make me eat at least something.

I'm still tucked in my towel as I glance towards the dirty outfit I had on for months. I need to get something clean on me. I walk to over to my wardrobe. There are still many outfits left from the victory tour and others Cinna once designed. Under them there are a few of my old clothes from the times before the games. I take some leggings that I can remember wearing on the victory tour. They are dark brown, almost black and although they are very simple, I can still see the nice little details that tells me they are Cinna's. I put them on and they are so comfortable. Then I take just the first shirt my hand happens to touch and throw it on. It appears to be a green baggy shirt with sleeves just down to my elbows.

As I walk down Greasy Sae greets me and seems pretty happy about my mood change. She smiles and asks: "So you saw him?"

"How do you know?" I ask her.

"Well you moved from your old spot, took a shower and took some effort looking nice for the first time in a while", she says. For some odd reason this makes me blush a little."And I also changed a few words with Peeta as he was making his way back to his house", she adds and gives me a bowl of nice warm soup. I eat it quickly and ask for more, because I realize how hungry I really am.

I am done eating and don't really know what to do. It's early spring so it's not so cold outside anymore. I might go for a walk or something. I think my gazing outside makes my thoughts a bit obvious. "Your bow is in the box down the hall", she says with a grin. I was basically up on the word bow and before she has even finished her sentence I'm already walking away from the kitchen.

First thing I get out of the box is my father's old hunting jacked. I bring it against my cheek for a second and then put it on. It feels good to have it here, on me. Feels right somehow. Then I take my bow and the arrows. Throwing the quiver over my head, on my back. Then I look the rest of the stuff left in the box. My parent's wedding picture, the family plant book the spile, locket and the pearl that the boy with the bread gave me.

I take the rest of the box's stuff upstairs and hear Greasy Sae shout "bye, I'll come again for dinner". I tell her bye and I hear the door close, which means I'm alone now. I place the picture and the plant book in my book shelf and then the spile and the pearl in a drawer of my bedside table. I am just about to drop the locket there too but I want to take a quick look inside of it first. I found inside the three faces that I really don't want to think about so I shut it fast and close the drawer before I start crying or something.

I head downstairs and walk straight to the fence, into the woods. It's just a habit to go in the woods that way, the same spot in the fence. Even though I don't have to anymore. I'm free to go there if I want to. Anyone is. But I have went that way into the woods for too many years to change it now. I don't feel that great, out of breath even, but still I keep going. Before I really think much I sit on the rock, our meeting place. Mine and Gale's. The thought of him makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe it's the fact that it might have been his bomb... It probably was. Or maybe the fact that he left me, without a goodbye. No best friend does that. But we are no more friends. Our paths has gone in too different directions and we have grown too far apart. We are no longer the kids who met in the woods many years ago with a need of surviving and feeding our families keeping us together. We have grown and he left me. Moved to district 2 for some fancy and well paid job. Who knows, months has passed. He probably has a new girl now anyways. Not that I care. I really don't. I'm too angry, too mad for him. I wouldn't say hate, but it's not too far from that.

I don't want to be on this rock for another minute so I start moving. I shoot a few squirrels and a turkey. Then I'm so out of breath and my head starts aching really badly. I'm so weak, so fragile. I sit under a tree for a few moments before heading back to the Victors village. Once I'm inside of the fence with only a few hundred meters back to my house I feel again a dizzy -more than I did in the woods-and fall on the ground. I feel so powerless. I aimed too high with my hunting trip considering the condition I'm in. How did I even manage that far?

I hear someone running towards me but I don't feel like looking who it is. Then I feel two strong arms wrapped around me, picking me up from the ground and I don't even need to smell the cinnamon to know who he is. His Strong arms tell me that well enough.

"Katniss, are you okay?" Peeta asks. I feel still dizzy and out of breath but manage to nod. I want to check his eyes, try to figure out what he's thinking. But once I lay my eyes in his, it's very difficult to look away. His eyes are so blue, so beautiful and yet so full of worry.

He's still holding me so I can stand, but once I start to walk and he sees how useless I am in it right now, he lifts me up and carries me home. I don't resist. The sleep deprivation finally begins to kick in. So many hours of it, too many. It's like being again on the drugs I was in the hospital of district 13.

"How could you leave the house in this condition?" Peeta asks me as he's opens my door and carries me in.

"I-I'm not..." But as I fail to answer, Peeta asks Greasy Sae if I have slept at all and how could she let me leave the house in this shape. He puts me down on the sofa and walks towards the door.

"She seemed so much better back then. Great even, after seeing you. She hadn't left the house for so many months. I thought it would've been a good idea for her to go outside" I hear her anwser and then add: "Only I should've known she wouldn't know her limits in that condition." I can see Peeta nod and then he goes.

"Do you want to eat something?" Greasy Sae asks, but I can see that even she doesn't believe I will. So I just shake my head and she leaves me to sleep.