To Love a Half-Blood (A Kili Fanfic)

Chapter 41: The Cost of My Heart

The sliver of moon tells me that it is nearly midnight. There is a knock at my door. I pull it open and my accomplice walks in with a cup of ale. The stench makes me wrinkle my nose. I steel my nerves and sit down in a chair. Bilbo dunks a rag in the liquid and wipes it on my neck.

Yuck.

"This smells disgusting." I complain.

"Oh hush, you could have had to drink it. Now, sit still. This will stain your dress." He reprimands.

I fan myself until the ale dries. The smell, however, lingers on my skin.

"Kili's watch shift starts in five minuets." Bilbo announces.

"How do I look?" I ask sadly.

Bilbo smiles. "It will work and we will have them back in no time. Don't worry."

I kneel down and hug the brave little hobbit.

"Be safe Bilbo." I whisper in his ear.

"Same to you, my lady."

We break the embrace.

"Good luck. Stay out of sight."

"Be brave, Larien, be brave."

And so the hobbit leaves me to wait. I press my ear against the door until I hear Bofur returning to wake up Kili. Tap. Tap. Tap. I hear his footsteps and then, Kili walking towards his post.

Remember when your mother died? Remember when Tharanduil hit you?Remember when you thought Kili was going to die?

I summon up tears and stumble from the room. My gate is slightly lurching and I'm sobbing rather loudly as I run down the hall. Then, I slam straight into him, starring back and falling onto the floor.

"Lari-sar! I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? What's wrong."

I'm a traitor, that's whats wrong.

I wipe my eyes and sniffle a little.

"I, I'm okay."

He holds out his hand to me and helps me to my feet. I sway and he puts an arm around me. I bury my face in his shoulder and he wraps me up in a hug. I hear the sharp intake of breath at my 'drunk perfume.'

"Lari-sar," He says gently, "Have you been drinking?"

"Only a little bit.." My voice trails off.

"Perhaps you should go back to your room and sleep."

I cling onto him tightly.

Just as we rehearsed.

"Please! No! Don't leave me!" I beg and start to cry again.

I'm a miserable wretch.

"Shhh... Okay, okay. I won't go anywhere." He whispers in my ear.

I'm such a good lair, and a perfectly monstrous being. I don't deserve him.

We stand like that for a while. And I can't say that I mind. He holds me close and rubs my back until the last of the tears have fallen.

"You okay now Lari-sar?" He asks, loosening his embrace.

I nod and wipe my eyes.

"But, I don't want to go back to my room. I've had nightmares every night we've been here and I can't stand it anymore!" Words tumble out of my mouth and not a single one of them is a lie. "I've only got one more night Kili! WE only have one more night. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. What if I die? What if YOU die? I don't want to waste a minuet because tomorrow is uncertain. I love you and I need you with me now more than ever." I end my confession and wipe away truthful tears.

"Oh Lari-sar..." He murmurs and hugs me again. "The worst will not happen tomorrow. I will always come back to you. And you to me." He lets go and grins at me. "But I won't make you go back to your room. Besides, meine Liebe (my love), I believe I owe you a dance."

He takes my hand gently and leads me towards his bedroom.

He's distracted now, at the cost of my heart. Hurry Bilbo. Hurry before I shatter.