Caught Up in my Thoughts

Not again

This chapter is dedicated to lostsparks.

Cecilia's POV

I woke up still in Calum's arms. Mickey was asleep next to me all stretched out and Luke was on the ground in front of me spreed out too. Ashton... wait where was Ash? I carefully got up so that I wouldn't wake Calum up. The I walked to my clothes and got my phone, and wejt to the bathroom. I checked my phone and it was 11:47. When I was done in the bathroom I went out to the kitchen and Ash was in there making breakfast. "Good morning!" He said to me. "Hi." I said tiredly. He was making bacon, eggs, and toast. "Do you have some sweatpants that I can borrow?" I asked. "Yeah sure just go up those stairs and my room is the last one on the left. I don't know if any will fit you but you can see." He told me. I nodded and went up the stairs. I got to his large room and saw a big white dresser against one wall and across form it was a king sized bed. I went to the dresser and looked through the hid clothes until I found the sweatpants. Taking out the smallest looking pair I put them on. The where really big, but I tided the strings tight enough that they stayed up ok. I went back downstairs and the rest of the doya where in the kitchen. "Just in time for breakfast and were did you get the sweatpants?" Calum asked me. "Oh good and they're Ash's." I told him sitting down in between him and Luke. "Hi!" He said to me. "Hi Luke!" I laughed at his excitement. We all ate in silence for we where all very hungry. I went over to my phone after putting my dishes in the sink. I had a message from Mali.
From: sis Mali
I don't have a class today at 1 so do you want to do something? We could go get our nails dun. :-)
I wasn't a very girly kind of girl but that was always something I liked doing.
Reply: Yeah I would love to do that.
I hit send and set my phone back down so it could charge.
"Hey Calum me and Mali are gonna go get our nails done so I needed you to take me home." I told him and I watched as all the boys faces feel in sadness. Luke ran over to me and picked me up bridle style. "No you're not leaving because I'm kidnapping you!!" He yelled and ran to the living room. "Help! Help!" I yelled playing along." I'll save you Cece don't worry!" Calum came running in with a towel rapped around his neck like a cape. I started to laugh uncontrollably as he came running acting as if he was flying. He gradded me from Luke, and ran to the kitchen. Luke came in pouting. "That's no fun. I wanna keep her!" He whined. "Mickey get her!" Ashton yelled. Michael ran up to me and picked me up, as Ashton held Calum back from coming to get me. "To the game room Luke!" He charged forward tobyhe game room Luke behind him. When we got in there I Luke closed the door. I heard running and soon Calum burst into the room. He acted like he had the fores or something and all the boys feel as he pushes them not even touching them. I ran to him and hugged him really big. "You saved my life you can I ever repay you?" I said as the boys played dead. "I could really use $50." He laughed. Everybody started laughing as I said that he would just have to deal living without it. "But I really do have to go now." I told them. "Ok." Calum whined. I went to the bathroom to change." Bye guys it was fun we will have ri hang out again." I said hugging them each. "You better not say that or we will always be around and then you'll get sick of us." Michael joked. We left and went back to our house. I took a quick shower and did my makeup and hair. Then I went to my closet to fined something to wear. I pulled out a loose gray tank top with a Mayan patterned sleeveless crop top and a pare of ripped up jeab shorts. I got my little pink/ white sun glassed and put on my Mayan style sandals. I grabbed my phone and went out to the living room to see Mali on the couch waiting for me. "Are you ready?" I asked smiling. "Yep!" We left and went to the nail shop. I got black on my toes and fingers and Mali got purple on both. We then went to a little a little cafe across the street. After we got our muffins we went and sat down. "So how do you like the boys?" She asked me. "I lobe them, they are so funny and dorky!" We both laughed because it was so true. "So do you like any if them?" She asked raising one eyebrow at me and grinning. "Well I think I like Luke." I confessed while my cheeks turned red. "Aww he is so sweet! You guys would be cute together!" She said excitedly. "I don't think he likes me like that though." I muttered loud enough for her to hear me though. She looked shocked." Him not like you? He would have to be mentally insane not to like you! I mean really you're gorgeous." She told me and I just blushed even more.
Later

Its was about 11:45, and I was still awake. Thoughts filling my mined. "They don't really want you here! Just go home!" Then they got worse. "Why do you think yo have a chance with him? He doesn't like you at all! He probably thinks your fat, ugly, and stupid! Don't bother trying to impress him! Luke already has a URL probably, and he wouldn't fall for somebody so imperfect!" I couldn't get my thoughts to stop. They where true I thought too. I had to do it. It was the only thing that would help me. I hot up and walked to my bathroom and closed and locked the door.
If you don't like self harm the don't read till I say you can.

I took out my bladed and held over the sink. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7. The blood was dripping form my shallow cuts into the sink. It wasn't enough. I sat down and put my leg on my knee so that my ankle was facing me. 1...2...3...4 "Hey Cece do you wanna watch a movie with me cause I can't sleep?" I heard Calum's voice through the door. "Yeah sure be their in a second." I told him a little panic sounding. Nobody had ever almost cot me before. I quickly cleaned my cuts and bandaged them. I went out to my room and got a hoodie sweatpants and long socks. I put it all on and the put my bracelets on. I walked out of my room to join Callum and I still felt a sick, unwanted, and now defeated.
Calum's POV

She came in, and I cloud tell something was wrong. "Hey are you ok?" I asked even though I knew the truth and I also knew what she would say. "Oh... yeah I'm fine. What move do you wanna watch?" She told me. She knew I knew that something was wrong but I didn't want to push her so I dropped the topic. "Well I kinda wanted to watch Monsters University, if that's ok." I told her as she sat down and cuddled into me. That was one great thing about her she was always up for a cuddle like me." Yeah that will be fun. I love that movie." I turned on Netflix and we watched the movie.
After movie

"Well I'm gonna go to bed now ok." She told me getting up. "Ok good night love you." I looked strait in her eyes as I said it. She crept looking away though. "Love you too." I pulled her into a tight hug not wanting to ever loose her. She slowly pulled away, and for some reason I felt my heart shatter. I felt like I had just lost her, and our relationship. Why? Why did I feel like that? She was right there, but I still felt like she was trying to get away because the hug was so short. What was wrong with her?