The Birth of Wisdom

chapter 12

Josh's POV

I cannot believe everything that she just told me. What her family told me is far much better than what she just revealed to me. I cannot believe he rapped a child, molested his own wife, allowed somebody else to molest her, threatened her, put his hands on her, and degraded her.

I wish I would've come for her quicker, I wish I could've saved her from the pain, lies, cheating, beating, and heartache that she had to endure being with an asshole like him. That little rant she just gave me in there was complete bullshit. She may say that she doesn't need me, but she does, I know she does, and I need her just the same. She's talking shit to push me away. She claim she's doing it to save me, but she's really just afraid to let me in. Afraid to let go and live, afraid to be shown something real, feeling as if she doesn't deserve real happiness, but she does. And got damn it, I'll be the one to give it to her. I decided to march my ass right back into her house and tell her how I felt. I walked to the front door to find it unlocked, I'll have to remember to fuss at her about that later. When I walked in I didn't see her, but I heard water running, I walked towards where I heard the water, and found her sitting down with the shower water running over her as she cried. It broke my heart to see her like that. She seemed as if she was in a daze, like she was completely lost. I picked up the soap and rag to bathe her, after I finished I turned the water off, grabbed a towel, dried her off, applied lotion and threw on the clothes that she had laid out on the bed. It was my old t-shirt I left at her house years ago, and a pair of underwear.

I laid her down on the bed and got in with her. Holding her close to me, I laid on my back, rolling her on top of me, cuddling and rubbing her back.

"Tianna, all those years apart I never ever, ever forgot about you. It was hard looking at other females knowing all I ever wanted in a wife was thousands of miles away, already married. I graduated and my father somehow got me an interview with the FBI, which I didn't get. I worked as a detective and soon got another opportunity, when the FBI offered me a job, which I took. When I met my colleague, Rayne, she was so amazing.

Rayne's amazingly humble spirit always reminded me of you, but we never dated or anything, she knew about you and she respected the love I still had for you. She continuously nagged me about coming to find you and winning your heart back, but I figured you forgot all about me because you never did respond to any of my letters. Rayne and I went to party one night and had way more to drink than we should have. We ended up waking up together on her living room floor naked with major hangovers. When she began to get sick, we knew she was pregnant. She hadn't had sex in over two years when that night happend so I knew the baby was mines. I have a twelve year old daughter named Armani, as well as a four year old son. Rayne was rapped and conceived a child, a baby boy, which she named Josiah. He's not mines biologically, but he is my son, I adopted him, and he has my last name. I never saw Rayne as anything other than a friend, so we never crossed that line again, and I never picked up another beer or alcoholic drink since then. Rayne died three years ago, I have full custody of the kids, I drop them off with her family so they can spend time with them. Both Rayne and all her family know who you are. Funny thing is, she made 100% sure that Armani knew you, my daughter always asks about you, she thinks you're breathtakingly beautiful , don't laugh, I tried to say it like her" I said as she started laughing harder. "Good, I got you to smile and laugh" I said kissing her forehead. She opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her. "No, let me finish. I love my children, they mean the absolute world to me, and I love you just the same. All three of you play an important role in my life. I don't give a fuck about your nonexistent ass marriage. He doesn't deserve you, hell he doesn't deserves the dirt on the bottom of my shoes. I asked were you happy, you said no. I asked did you love me, you said yes, so this is a no-brainer, you should be where your heart is, with me.

Tianna you belong with me, and I belong with you, bottom line, point blank period. You're pushing me away because you feel like the lies you held for him means you belong to him, you feel like because you knew of Zaynah's death that you don't deserve happiness. 

Well that's pure bullshit. Because you've been through so damn much that makes you all the more beautiful in my eyesight. You've always been the apple of my eye, you've always deserved love, but you deserve it more than ever now. You said you don't need me, well fine, I'll accept that, but accept that I, Joshua Lamont Coleman, need you. I don't care how long it takes, what I have to go through, or what I have to do to prove it to you, but I need you, and I will not stop until I have you back in my life, with Armani and Josiah. When you put me out, I never left, I only stood at the front door thinking, I came right back inside. I walked away from you once, I will never do that again, if something happens and I have to leave, you're coming with me, I cannot lose you again" I said as she sat up looking at me. She began kissing me passionately and I could feel myself starting to swell up in my pants. She reached down, unzipping my pants as she moved her lips to my neck. I stopped her and looked into her eyes. "Tianna as much as you're turning me on right now, we cannot do this. When I finally make love to you, I want to be doing it as your boyfriend, soon to be fiance, and then your husband. I don't want to have sex right now and then you regret it" I said looking into her eyes.

"You're so perfect for me, thank you for saving me" she whispered before she kissed me one last time and fell asleep in my arms. I don't know what she meant, or how I'm saving her, but I do know that I am not leaving her side, not again.

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