Ramblings of a Dumbass

self discipline (just Canada being self loathing)

The context is that Canada grows more paranoid and maybe has some sort of mental break (or something) due to more and more news coming out on Canada. The fact more people are pointing out the mistreatment of indigenous people, police brutality, and hunting are "tarnishing" Canada's clean reputation. He goes from someone who could do no wrong to someone that is clearly related to countries like the US or Britain, or France.

Canada feels a break in his facade all the careful lies he's built are unraveling and thinks of possible ways he could salvage what's left of himself. Canada is commonly portrayed as a nice guy, kind and sweet and rational. But I think portraying any country as the world's "good guy" is dangerous and can spread misinformation. My Canada, much like many countries, is a liar and a damn good one. He's also a narracassit and has moments where his true colors shine through and he becomes aggressive or violent. This is a possible concept I'll play with later or just info dump about in my server and then post here but who knows, this is just another ramble that honestly makes no sense.

Canada felt like tearing his eyes out.

He felt like digging his fingers around his eye ball and into the socket and just ripping them out. Everytime he looked in the mirror the thought nipped at his brain like a dog at his heels.

Canada wanted to grab a knife and dig them in and watch all the blood vessels burst, turning his bright blue eyes red. He wanted to hear the squirt of the blood squirting out and hitting the mirror. He wanted to hear the soft tears and squenching as he drove the knife further in and took out his fucking eyes. He wanted to watch blood trickle down his face and land on his pristine white sink and let the eye get flushed down the toliet.

Would it hurt? He would wonder.

Of course it would, but it would be worth it.

Canada didn't want his eyes, he didnt want to look in the mirror and see the eyes of France looking back at him, he didn't want to look at himself and know that the Kind country facade he carefully built over the years was finally coming apart like a ball of yarn.

Canada wanted to rip out his tongue, next and maybe burn his lips too.

He wanted to grab a shard of glass from his broken mirror (he broke it months ago, he got sick of seeing himself) and hold his tongue and cut it off. Bits of glass would come off and get stuck in his tongue but he didn't mind, he felt it was deserved. He would cut the tongue off, or what he could get off, and throw it in the trash. Canada didn't need the thing anyways, it made keeping his reputation clean easier. And his lips? They were cracked from the cold anyways, and burning them would be like burning away a sin. The chapped lips had told so many lies...

His fingers were broken before he even had time to think about it, he didnt want to be a coward and backout of this idea unlike the others. The bones were practically shattered from slaming a door on them. He needed the broken, deserved it. The fingers had pulled too many triggers, wrapped around too many throats, and had been in too many places to be considered pure anymore. They had to go too.

The crack of bones and screams from Canada were deafening on that early October night.

Canada's jaw ached when he went to the next world meeting, he was getting better at self discipline and almost forgot that having 3 molars ripped out wasn't supposed to be an accomplishment. He sat at his seat, tired and in pain. When asked he made brief mention of a headache and politely (always politely) declined some tylonal.

It wouldn't have helped anyways, his gums were still practically bleeding.

Canada had gotten into a fight at a bar and had his jaw fractured, a task he couldnt do on his own. He didn't like how he had to have someone else deal out the punishment but also felt he has been too easy on himself. He couldn't properly punish his own actions. His face had been smashed into the edge of the counter until the patron had heard a crack and finally let Canada go. So he went home and placed an ice pack on his jaw and decided that this, this would be enough for a while. He fell asleep feeling satisfied and in pain.

I'm just a rambling man today, sorry for these poor quality shots 🚶