Stop Calling me That (mcyt + ftm reader) -Book 1/2-

-4-

((Warnings: nothing out of the usual. Just make sure you've read terms and conditions and we are set to get jiggy with it))

God damnit Tommy, what the hell.

The stream had started off as usual, and y/n had his feelings under control. And it was great while it lasted.

Of course he wanted to meet Tubbo, he was thrilled. But with his current mental state, being in a call with two boys in his age range was not helping him. It was a constant reminder of everything he wasn't. Everything be wanted so so badly.

But at the same time, being in a group of boys was nice. Felt natural in a way. He wished he could hold onto just that feeling and shake the one that he didn't belong. He did belong. He should feel like he belongs.

"O/n? Are you muted?"

Y/n jumped at the mention of himself. Oops.

"Oh, um, sorry hi I'm here got distracted," he hoped they assumed he had accidental muted rather than just froze up and got lost in thought.

"Cool," he could tell that Tubbo wanted to say something else but was holding back. He spun his view back and forth in the game as he couldn't just put it down and mess with his hands.

"Tommy and I were just talking about-"

"SHSHHHHSHHH NO AHAHA WHAT ARE YOU- NO WE WERENT!" Tommy shouted.

"...what was that Tubbo?" Y/n asked calmly.

"Oh we were, uh, wondering if you were interested in joining us for an event this weekend."

"Of course!" He answered, potentially too excited.

"Ohhhh that's what you were- ah of course," Tommy said, slightly quieter than usual.

"God you're an idiot."

Y/n wheezed hard almost falling out of his chair.

"Dream?!"

And then he did fall.

"The real girl dream!" Tubbo added.

Fuck

He shook it off and fought to keep up his normal demeanor.

By the time he finally ended the stream he was exhausted. He really hoped this would go uphill soon because he was starting to enjoy streaming less and it was sad. His passions were starting to become just another pressure, just another stressor.

He wasn't sure what to do about it. He used to stream alone to a few tens of viewers at best. And now he was streaming with Tommy and his numbers had raised to the thousands. Of course it was cool, and not just for the "fame" aspect. But it was also so much worse than being unknown.

Now there were people who were waiting on him. People who were expecting things of him. Friends, fans, he still couldn't believe that part. Of course he didn't have any super dedicated fans, just casual watchers and a few of Tommy's viewers looking for the other perspective of whatever was going on. But it was still crazy.

Before he knew what he was doing he found himself calling Tommy.

"Hello?" His voice was calmer, quieter, but definitely still him.

"Sorry Tommy I don't know why I called," y/n said honestly.

"Wow you sound like shit," he said bluntly. "What's wrong?"

Y/n softened a bit at that. Despite his chaotic and sometimes annoying exterior he could really be caring sometimes. When he needed to be.

"It's nothing," he said, not ready to share this secret. He knew Tommy would be fine with it, but he still held the irrational fear of rejection within him. And then there was the fear that Tommy would accidentally or purposefully out him to anyone. He wasn't even out to family yet and was not ready for his friends to know, let alone the entire internet.

"It isn't nothing. You were off all stream. I was actually going to call..." he admitted. "T-Tubbo was worried," he quickly added defensively.

Y/n felt a smile grow on his face. Tommy got so flustered over the stupidest things sometimes.

"It's ok to say you care about me," he teased.

"Ok yeah that too."

He actually wasn't expecting that. He knew they were getting to be friends but hearing confirmation that he wasn't the only one was really comforting.

"That's all I needed to hear," he could hear the genuine tone of his own voice as he spoke. He might not be thrilled with his voice but with just the two of them he was starting to feel better. 

"You can talk to me, alright? Or Tubbo. I know you two just met but he seems to think you're cool, and I know you are, so-" he rambled off as he lost his point. "Just... you're my friend o/n."

That was all he needed to hear and more.

"Thank you."

He wiped at his eyes. He had missed having friends more than he realized. It was so nice to have one who cared.

Even if said friend was a kind of obnoxious child.

((Going back through old chapters and I just realized that "it isn't nothing" is in this chapter. So uh.... ouch. If you know you know))