the nymph ☼ sean diaz ✓

- thirty .

••

The sound of the car zipping past many buildings was amplified in the air, a soft song he didn't recognize played on repeat in the background.

He was tired, and longed for sleep but the sky, the same romantic shade of orange stopped him from passing out.

He wasn't sure how long he was driving for, maybe a couple hours already.

He yawns, tired. From the corner of his eye, the mattress in the back called out to him.

After a couple more minutes of driving, he pulls over to the side of the road, the road etiquette was still ingrained into his head even after all this time.

He was afraid of sleeping. He was afraid of dreaming.

The car air was still, the silence ringing in his ears.

When he's situated on the mattress, he stares at the "Brody H" carved into the car roof.

He reaches over to the front seat to grab his backpack. He wanted to reread what Honey said about this moment.

Blah blah blah, vulnerability, crying....

"Sean and I sat in silence, looking at the stickers on the car ceiling thing. It was a nice type of silence, where we tried to soak everything in."

"Of course you made it sound poetic." Sean says to himself, hoping that somewhere, Honey could hear him. Sean recalls feeling not awake at that time.

Sean puts down the papers onto his chest. His bones shook as he was afraid of what he was about to do.

He was so so tired.

Sean reaches under the seat above his head to grab the bottle of melatonin.

He pops two pills into his mouth.

He was terrified.

••

When I think of Sean, I remember that one time under the orange sunlight. The warm glow upon his face.

When I saw his drawing of his brother in chalk, I couldn't help but feel guilty.

Sean was dead,

and I forever blame myself for it.

There was so much things that I had to lie about. I had to lie about there people being out there somewhere.

I know for a fact, that there's nobody but us.

I wish every day that things were different and all human on earth disappeared. Maybe then he'd feel special, like he survived.

I wish I could tell him how special he is to me. I wish we could be happy here forever.

Do you think I could have kids?

Maybe in the forever I created in my head, we'd have a family with one dog. I don't know where we'd get the dog from.