𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 | greys anatomy (editing)

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disclaimer: if i owned greys anatomy, i would have brought derek back for real, not just in a dream.

—

"Long night, huh?" I smirked at Derek when I noticed him rubbing his eyes and yawning. It didn't take much, Derek himself was a horrible liar, and that little smile behind his lips told me everything I need to know and more. "Was it good?"

Derek snorted and immediately gave me a look. "We're not allowed to discuss your sex life but you think you have the rights to mine?"

"Your sex life includes my sister, that makes it also my business." I simply shrugged as Bailey, George, and Izzie joined us.

"Long night was it, Dr. Shepherd?" Dr. Bailey asked in a more mature, annoyed way. It was irritating watching this feud between Bailey, Derek and Meredith go on, and after a long think, I didn't even want to be in the middle of it anymore. I waved them all goodbye and went to see what patients I had today.

—

"She's having seizures in her left leg," George answered and I looked at the little girl's leg that was slightly twitching.

"Alright, from what I see these seizures are caused by one part of her brain, I will get you a neurosurgeon so he can examine her more accurately." I smiled and turned to George.

"Go and find Dr. Shepherd for me please," I said and he, with a little hesitation, nodded and went off.

"Is-...is this Dr. Shepherd good?" the mother of the little girl asked. Both of the parents were scared, it was obvious.

"He's the best you can find, I promise you." I smiled and went back to examining the girl.

—

I was smiling brightly at the scene where Derek was playing with the little girl. It was very adorable and a bit surprising, he was really good with children.

"So, what do you think we could do, Dr. Grey?" Derek turned to me and I came out of the trace I was in.

"Uh — well, part of her brain is dead or dying, the best we could do is chop off that part as she is little and her brain cells are still growing, it won't have that big of an effect on her life," I assured the parents who looked horrified at the part where I said that we should cutt off part of her brain.

"So, it won't make a difference?" the dad asked.

"Well, there always are risks in surgeries and something could go wrong, but I am very good at my job and we will do the best we can," Derek replied and grinned at me.

The parents, still unsure, nodded and waved their daughter goodbye before we left for the OR.

"Dr. Grey?" asked George. I turned around to face him, his face showed worry. "I-I'm sorry it's just that I smelled alcohol in the room and I think our anesthesiologist has been or is drinking." George blurted out and I raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think so, there are rules for doctors-"

"Yes there are." when he said this it looked as if he wasn't just talking about our anesthesiologist but something else, most like what's been going on between Derek and Meredith since he was one of the few people who knew.

"You have no proof that the man has been drinking, now get yourself together and come scrub in." I sighed. I had little to none reason to believe him and I liked our anaesthesiologist and he didn't seem like the kind of guy to be so careless.

—

After a big chunk of drama between our anesthesiologist, who in the end had been actually drinking, we finished our surgery successfully.

Finally, we could have lunch.

"So, I told you my deepest darkest secret, what's yours?" I grinned at Derek. He looked down at his food.

"I don't have a deep dark secret." he simply answered. I looked at him suspiciously.

"Everyone has one, come on Derek, we're good friends, aren't we?" I punched his shoulder lightly, but he kept his glance still at the ground.

"We are, but I really don't have one." He was lying, it was clear. For some reason, it hurt me to know that he didn't trust me as much as I trusted him. I mean, what could be that bad?

"Uh — alright then, I should check on my patients." I scoffed, showing off how hurt I felt before gathering all my things and leaving.

"Malia!?" Derek yelled after me but I continued to walk away. I'll talk to him when I know at least something about him.

—

This whole thing wouldn't have affect me that much if I hadn't told him my story, but I did, I trusted him enough to tell him. I just asked him to share a little detail about his life and he couldn't even give it to me.

After a long day of work, it was a relief that I finally got home. For the first time, I actually wanted to be in this awfully quiet and boring house.

I stopped wanting a family after Kaleb, but even a cat or a dog would be nice, at least it wouldn't be so quiet and the dog would have made a big mess, and I would have something to do.

I sat down at my desk and took out a piece of paper. If there was something weird about me except for my entire personality, is that I liked to write down every single detail of every single surgery I had that day, it's like a ritual to keep me from going crazy in a house where everything was quiet and still.

But day by day, I started to wonder about making a family of my own, maybe not a husband, but a child would be lovely. For most of my teenage years when I wasn't busy drowning myself in boys and alcohol, I spent most of my time being worthy of my sister and being there for her in the way that my mother wasn't. She'll always stay the most important person in my life but wanting more isn't a crime, is it?

—